In a shocking tease Thursday afternoon that mirrored the commercial-break-heavy final moments of an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, President Donald Trump revealed that South Korea will make a “major” announcement at 7PM Eastern time, just a few minutes from now. The news comes after South Korean delegates met with North Korea, and reportedly carried a personal message from Kim Jong Un to deliver to President Trump. The announcement is expected to have something to do with talks between the United States and North Korea, which could represent a historic turning point in the quest for world peace.
In the past, the United States has refused to negotiate with North Korea unless the country halted its nuclear weapons program, which has been getting closer and closer to the ability to reliably strike the mainland United States with a nuclear missile. Increased sanctions have put more and more pressure on the country, and rumor has it they could be willing to drop the program in exchange for a guarantee of safety. But what else could the country want in order to stop threatening to nuke America?
Here’s one absolutely plausible theory: the Snyder Cut of Justice League.
When visionary director Zack Snyder was forced to step away from Justice League due to a family tragedy, Warner Bros brought in alleged fake feminist Joss Whedon to “finish” the film. Though Whedon supposedly vowed to stay true to Zack Snyder’s Vision, a vision of cinematic excellence so pure that it might as well be a direct mind link with Zack Snyder himself, what ended up hitting theaters was stripped of nearly all traces of Zack Snyder’s Vision, and, consequently, failed at the box office, forcing DC Films honcho Jon Berg to pay the ultimate price. Since that time, fans have demanded that Warner Bros release a Snyder Cut of Justice League, restoring Zack Snyder’s Vision to its rightful place of prominence and glory, and in essence saving the DCEU.
The Snyder Cut of Justive League actually has some things in common with North Korea and its supreme leader, Kim Jong Un. Just as North Korea has been isolated from the rest of the world by trade sanctions and their own oppressive government and its aggressive foreign policy, Zack Snyder’s Vision was isolated from the theatrical cut of Justice League by Joss Whedon’s reshoots. And just as Kim Jong Un was the subject of an assassination plot by Hollywood, albeit in the form of the fictional movie from James Franco and Seth Rogen, The Interview, so was a very real hatchet job done on Snyder’s vision’s under the orders of Warner Bros, replacing Snyder’s meaningful Superman resurrection scenes with scenes where Cyborg says “booyah!” Kim Jong Un is interested in restoring the glory of South Korea, just as the Snyder Cut would restore the glory of the DCEU. Just as Kim Jong Un is haunted by the memory of father, previous supreme leader Kim Jong Il, so is Superman haunted by the memories of his own dad, Pa Kent, who urged Superman to let him die in order to protect his secret identity. And just as Superman, in Zack Snyder’s Vision, is willing to brutally murder his enemies by snapping their necks in order to make out with Lois Lane in the rubble of Metropolis, so is Kim Jong Un willing to do whatever it takes, even destroy the entire world with nuclear weapons, in order to get what he wants.
It would be no shocker to learn that Kim Jong Un is actually a Snyderbrony, the word used to describe hardcore fans of Zack Snyder. If Kim Jong Un is indeed a Snyderbrony, then he simply wants what all of us want: for Warner Bros to release the Snyder Cut of Justice League.
Of course, the message South Koreans delivered to President Trump could have nothing to do with the Snyder Cut at all. But just in case, in the interest of world peace, it would probably be best if Warner Bros released the Snyder Cut immediately. The world is watching, Warner Bros.
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