The End is Near [X-ual Healing 7-3-19]

The Hickboot is just weeks away, all of the current X-Men comics are ending, and if Matthew Rosenberg has his way, there won’t be any mutants left before it all goes down. Let’s get to the recaps of the four X-Men comics that came out last week… well, three, actually, but for whatever reason, DCBS didn’t send me NextGen #5 until last week, so that one is getting thrown in here too.


Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.


The End is Near [X-ual Healing 7-3-19]

UNCANNY X-MEN #21
MAY190897
(W) Matthew Rosenberg (A) Salvador Larroca (CA) Whilce Portacio
It all ends here. This is forever! As Cyclops’ cleanup mission nears its close, all the problems the X-Men face come together. The truth behind the Hellfire Club’s intentions, the culmination of the O.N.E.’s assaults on mutantkind and even the inner struggles within the team… It all ends here. This is forever.
Rated T+
In Shops: Jul 03, 2019
SRP: $3.99

It’s the penultimate issue of Uncanny X-Men, and 21 issues is like twice the length of a normal Marvel comic so I guess that’s an accomplishment. Cyclops leads the remaining X-Men — Havok, Hope, Banshee, Mirage, Multiple Man, Magik, and Juggernaut — to rescue Emma Frost at the Hellfire Club, though some of the X-Men would rather kill her. After some back-and-forth with Emma about how she’s been manipulating the X-Men since the beginning of the series, Emma reveals she has a way to save mutantkind.

Meanwhile, at a O.N.E. medical facility, O.N.E. handlers depower (and maybe kill, it’s unclear) Triage when he attempts to heal a burnt up Wolverine, who was canceled in the parking garage brawl an issue or two ago. They say they don’t need Triage anymore now that they’ve captured Elixer as well. It’s enough for Wolverine to wake up and start killing people though, which he does before finding a Velocidad/Warlock hybrid who reveals that O.N.E. has been using his powers to grow Warlocks. He asks Wolverine to kill him, so he does. It’s what he does best, after all.

Then the X-Men show up at the O.N.E. facility and a giant robot arrives to fight them, killing Banshee. General Callahan appears live via satellite to taunt Magik, revealing he has the ability to deactivate her mutant powers, which he does. Unfortunately, this causes her to fully transform into the Darkchylde, who rips the crimson gem of Cyttorak out of Juggernaut and crushes it then sends him through a fiery portal into LImbo. The rest of the X-Men escape thanks to Hope, who has borrowed Magik’s powers.

In Manhattan, the X-Men meet up with Dr. Nemesis, Multiple Man/Warlock, and Fabian Cortez, who was previously being held prisoner at Harry’s Hideaway but is needed as part of Emma’s plan. The X-Men fight off O.N.E. agents until they suddenly stop attacking. Emma, flanked by Nemesis, Cortez, and Mr. Sinister, now has a scar on her head and a cerebro helmet in her hand and announces she’s made everyone on Earth forget mutants ever existed.

There’s still one more issue of Uncanny X-Men before the Hickboot, which is good, because there’s still some more mutants Matthew Rosenberg hasn’t killed off yet.

The End is Near [X-ual Healing 7-3-19]

AGE OF X-MAN NEXTGEN #5 (OF 5)
APR190891
(W) Ed Brisson (A) Lucas Werneck (CA) Chris Bachalo
THE AGE OF X-MAN CONCLUSION!
• The students must confront the truth behind their reality!
• What must they sacrifice for freedom?
Rated T+
In Shops: Jun 19, 2019
SRP: $3.99

Picking up where last issue left off, Armor, Glob, and Rockslide rescue Anole from the library he has just blown up, evade an attempt to capture them by Department X, and escape in a stolen van. They go on the run for about a week, heading toward British Columbia, the site of the creation of the Age of X-Man, where Glob is sure he’ll find the Lifeseed and be able to prove to the world that the Age of X-Man is fake news. Unfortunately, he left his diary behind, and the X-Men have read it and knew exactly where to look for them. The kids surrender quickly and get taken to the Danger Room prison from Prisoner X where they are all mindwiped (except Glob, who can’t be mindwiped because of his wax). Glob begins writing down the history of the real world again, though he decides not to befriend his fellow X-teens because it’s his fault they all ended up in this situation. Back at the school, everyone has of course forgotten about their now-missing friends, and the narration from Glob’s journal alludes to the fact that the school is just as much a prison as the actual prison. The final page sees Manon and Maxime feeding Glob’s chickens.

Damn, that was a cold ending! Props to the creative team for ending it like that. So much props, in fact, that we’re gonna give this the Wolverine’s Weiner X-Pick of the Week.

Congratulations to the creative team.

The End is Near [X-ual Healing 7-3-19]

AGE OF X-MAN PRISONER X #5 (OF 5)
MAY190891
(W) Vita Ayala (A) German Peralta, Matt Horak (CA) Patrick Zircher
THE AGE OF X-MAN CONCLUDES! Tensions have finally boiled over – it’s an all-out prison riot! Will Bishop be able to lead his fellow prisoners in tearing down the walls, or will they all end up buried beneath them?
Rated T+
In Shops: Jul 03, 2019
SRP: $3.99

Another Age of X-Man mini, some would say the best of the bunch, comes to end here. As the prison erupts into a riot, Bishop, Mirage, Beast, Honey Badger, and Polaris escape into an endless hallway with doors that lead to the door across the hall, Looney Tunes style. A battle with some of the Cobra Commander mask prison guards ensues, and when they continue to get up after being ripped apart, Polaris agrees to stay behind and hold them off while the rest of the team tries to stop Legion. They make their way through more guards, through a door, and into a dilapidated part of the prison where the various doors show what each member of the group sees when they experience the prison. Beast sees a zoo. Honey Badger sees a school. Then they reach Legion, and a fight ensues, though the ghost taking the form of Shard manages to gain control of Legion briefly, revealing herself to be one of his personalities who disagrees with what he’s doing. She wants to communicate to Bishop that Legion isn’t working alone, and though she can’t say his name, Bishop works out that it’s X-Man who created this place. Legion regains control and sends a bunch of alternate versions of Bishop to attack, but Mirage sneaks up behind him and slaps on a power dampening collar. Then she punches him out for good measure. The team meets up with Polaris again and they vow to go after X-Man next.

This series, which provided unexpected but great psychological horror, stuck the landing in a more traditional superhero way. This all wraps up soon in Age of X-Man Omega, though there’s still one more Age of X-Man mini to finish first next week.

The End is Near [X-ual Healing 7-3-19]

DEAD MAN LOGAN #9 (OF 12)
MAY190895
(W) Ed Brisson (A) Mike Henderson (CA) Declan Shalvey
RETURN OF THE BEAST! Before he left the Wastelands, Old Man Logan slayed the feral, cannibalistic animal once called Victor Creed, better known as Sabretooth. Their centuries-long rivalry ended the only way it could: with a corpse. But nothing tends to stay dead out here except the ones you love…
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Jul 03, 2019
SRP: $3.99

This series is running out of issues before Logan has to die, so it’s time to move this plot along. After Logan had his lungs ripped out by the Hulk Killer last issue, he drags himself back to his feet and jumps back into the fight before Hulk Killer and the Tranquility Cult can kill Bruce Banner Junior. This time, Logan takes out the Hulk Killer by stabbing through it into an electrical junction, which for some reason doesn’t phase Loan at all. He and Dani Cage grab Bruce Jr. and flee to South Dakota, where they end up at a complex run by an aged Forge. However, on their trail, Sabretooth arrives at the sight of the battle and picks up more allies in the form of the Tranquility Cultists.

In North Dakota, Forge introduces Logan to his wife Elinore and his protege, Dwight Barrett, and reveals that he’s keeping Speedball in an anti-gravity chamber there for some reason because Speedball has been building up energy for decades and would explode like a nuclear bomb if he even bounced once. We’re sure that will come into play before this series is over. Call it Checkov’s Speedball. Logan just wants to drop off Dani and Bruce and say his goodbyes because he’s only got three issues after this to go die already. However, before he can leave, Sabretooth rides into town with an army behind him.

For a series about Old Man Logan dying, there’s an awful lot of Old Man Logan living going on. Hopefully they get to killing him soon or we’re gonna feel pretty ripped off by this whole thing.


Other X-Stuff

Always a fun read, X-Men Monday at Adventures in Poor Taste is all about the Age of X-Man this week, and features the writers of the various mini-series instead of Jordan White answering questions. Probably all just a clever way for Chris Hassan to avoid asking White about Chris Claremont. I’m onto you, Chris!

At WMQ Comics, Dan Grote makes the case that we’re currently living in the golden age of X-Men comics. How that can be possible when Chris Claremont isn’t writing an ongoing, I don’t know, but give it a read and see if you agree.

Marvel is reprinting X-Men #1 this week as a facsimile edition, which means all kinds of sweet 1960s advertisements.

Marvel added more issues of their comic book adaptation of X-Men: The Animated Series to Marvel Unlimited this month, if you just can’t get enough X-Men (and really, who can?).

Word on the street is X-Men: Dark Phoenix is set to lose more money at the box office than Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four. Ouch! Maybe they should have adapted the comics instead of adapting X-Men: The Last Stand.


Next week has four X-Men books on the stands: the final issue of Apocalypse and the X-Tracts, Giant-Size X-Statix, Weapon Plus, and Wolverine vs. Blade. And remember, when the X-Men Universe reboots in a few weeks… so does X-ual Healing. And nothing will ever be the same again, probably. That’s how these things work.

Read more X-ual Healing here:

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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