X-ual Healing: Aesthetic Differentiation, or How Colossus Got His Grooves Back in X-Men Gold #29

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in comics.

Each week, armed with the joy, heartbreak, and frustration of 30+ years of reading X-Men comics, we read every new X-book that comes out, recap the events, provide the historical context so you can read it on Marvel Unlimited, and wonder when Marvel will let Chris Claremont write something again.

It’s the way X-Men comics were meant to be read! It’s the column that can only be known as…

For more about the column, check out the reboot issue here.

Cover by Phil Noto
• Escape from OUTER SPACE!
• KITTY and the X-MEN must race to safety or die in the cold vacuum of space!
• The only obstacles in their way? Human supremacist LYDIA NANCE and the nanite-based AI SENTINEL 0101!
• Get ready for a fatal confrontation with the GOLD team’s newest nemesis!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

In X-Men Gold, we’re into Part 4 of the ‘Til Death Do Us Part storyline, which sees time running out for the X-Men to rescue Colossus before he and Kitty’s wedding. If they don’t hurry, imagine the havoc this will cause for Marvel’s publishing schedule! We start with a flashback to Kitty’s time at the University of Chicago, and a visit from Professor X to tell her that Colossus has died (the first time) from the Legacy Virus. And he couldn’t even visit in person, he came telepathically. Kitty is right. Professor X really is a jerk.

Back in the present, on a Roxxon space station, AI sentinel Alpha is still working on extracting the Legacy Virus from Colossus’s bloodstream. He takes a moment to point out that Colossus’s X-gene has been altered, and claims this explains the “aesthetic differentiation” in Colossus’s steel form, which he decides to revert to normal. We’re not sure if this is all designed to explain a status quo change of drawing Colossus with a more classic look again, but if so, we’re all for it.

Elsewhere in the station, Kitty and the X-Men (Nightcrawler, Prestige, Gambit, Rogue, and Thor-Storm) are fighting through a crowd of Alphas when Kitty finally locates Colossus. She can’t use her powers on Alpha (as he explains we learned in a previous issue), but she can disrupt the systems that Alpha was using to extract the Legacy Virus. Unfortunately, she’s too late. Alpha already got whar he needed, and pods have launched from the space station to distribute the virus all over Earth. Alpha reveals that there are 4.8 minutes until the virus hits Earth, 16.3 minutes until the extermination of all mutants, and also that he’s hit the self-destruct switch before peacing out.

The X-Men need to stop the virus from reaching Earth (and also escape), which will be pretty tough since they crashed their spaceship getting here. Luckily, they have a Thor.

Storm destroys the pods while Alpha Flight rescues the X-Men. Well, she destroys most of the pods. Puck reveals some have gotten through Earth’s atmosphere. On Earth, Pyro is surfing on top of the X-Men’s Blackbird jet, on a mission to destroy Legacy Virus pods, while Iceman works on a “contingency” plan. Sasquatch arrives to pick up the X-Men, but debris pins the ship. It also took out Rogue, so she can’t get the ship clear. Luckily, Colossus is awake, and though he’s not feeling well, he offers to take care of it. Kitty is reluctant, but time is running out, so…

Now that’s the Colossus we know and love! He succeeds in freeing the ship and then collapses. The X-Men escape just in time.

Later, at the Triskelon, Iceman gloats to imprisoned generic anti-mutant villain Lydia Nance about the X-Men’s victory. Nance says Alpha will save her, but that was Iceman’s contingency. Freezing is Alpha’s only weakness (apparently). Alpha is captured, but Iceman doesn’t realize that part of his AI remained outside, so he really escaped. In a hospital, we get a little bit more drama as Kitty begs Colossus not to die, but he ends up making it. Next issue: somebody’s getting married!

The Bottom Line

Not only are we on track for the big wedding, but Colossus has had a visual reboot. Next issue, that wedding will finally happen… but will Colossus survive Extermination? We can’t wait to find out.

Further Reading

See Kitty in college at the University of Chicago in Mekanix, on Marvel Unlimited.

We read an interesting article about the queerness of Kitty Pryde at Syfy Wire, but, you know, if you’re triggered by that sort of thing, best save yourself the aggravation and everyone else the aggravation of you complaining about it. Otherwise, it makes some good points, not the least of which is Chris Claremont’s plans for Kitty to end up with Rachel. Check it out here, if you like.

Read more X-ual Healing here:

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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