The internet was broken in half and needed to be krazy-glued back together by a distraught Donny Cates this week after Thanos #15 revealed that the universe-conquering despot’s real name is actually Dione the Mad Titan. This startling revelation took place in the future, where present-day Dione came face-to-face with Dione from the future, and future Dione needed to prove his identity to current Dione.
After CBR published an article revealing Dione’s true name, the story took off with dozens of websites chiming in, and even some of Cates’s peers, like Matty from the Block, teasing him about it:
Lil' ditty about Jack and Dione…
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) January 3, 2018
All this furor prompted Cates to take to Twitter to set the record straight:
Ughghhhhh, no. No. It’s not. Dione is what his mom was GOING to name him. The name she had picked out before she saw him and went crazy and named him Thanos.
⚡️His name is still Thanos⚡️ https://t.co/cRXJoE10Da
— DONNY CATES (@Doncates) January 3, 2018
Sorry, Donny Cates, but it’s too late. His name is now, and forever will be, Dione the Mad Titan. We plan to use it exclusively from now on. Frankly, it’s just a better name.
Thanos is clichéd. It’s boring. It’s too on-the-nose. Think about it. When the people of a puny planet like Earth hear that “Thanos” is coming to conquer the world, they’re going to take that threat very seriously and assemble Earth’s mightiest heroes to stand against him. But who is going to answer the call to stand up against “Dione?” Earth’s heroes would laugh it off, and Dione could come in with his forces, take the world by surprise, and claim an easy victory.
Furthermore, from a pure business standpoint, it’s hard to make your mark in comics in this day and age. Most original stories with these decades-old characters have already been told, and coming up with something truly unique, something inspiring, is hard when working in the confines of the superhero-industrial complex. But with this, the name Donny Cates will be forever etched in history alongside his greatest contribution to the medium: Dione the Mad Titan.
What we’re trying to say, Donny, is that changing Thanos’s name to Dione was the right move, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. We stand by your decision, and we think you should stand by it too.
- X-ual Healing: Another Epic Magneto Meltdown is Imminent in X-Men Blue #31 - July 15, 2018
- X-ual Healing: Mister Sinister Takes on Cambridge Analytica in Hunt for Wolverine Adamantium Agenda #3 - July 15, 2018
- X-ual Healing: New Episodes of Agent Carter Debut in New Mutants Dead Souls #5 - July 15, 2018
- Hulk Hogan Reinstated in WWE Hall of Fame, Meets with WWE Superstars - July 15, 2018
- X-ual Healing: No Trampy Iron Fist Costumes in Domino #4 - July 15, 2018