Trump Vows To Release JFK Files; Your Move, George R. R. Martin

President Donald Trump vowed on Twitter today to finally release the remaining classified documents pertaining to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy (the Ned Stark of presidents). In addition to potentially proving Trump’s claims about Lyin’ Ted Cruz’s dad, the release of the documents also throws down the gauntlet for Game of Thrones author George R. R. Martin to conclude his own long-running story.

In 1992, Congress passed the President John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Collection Act of 1992, promising to release the JFK files by October 26, 2017, 25 years later. The law was passed soon after the release of Oliver Stone’s JFK film.

Martin’s first novel in his A Song Of Ice And Fire series was first released in 1996. As of 2017, fans are still waiting for the sixth and penultimate novel, The Winds Of Winter. In order to complete the Game of Thrones story in less time than it took the U.S. Government to declassify the JFK assassination files, Martin will need to release The Winds Of Winter as soon as possible and then complete and publish the final novel, A Dream Of Spring, before 2021, just four years from now. The fifth novel, A Dance With Dragons, was released six years ago, in 2011.

Fanning the flames of conspiracy theories has been a hallmark of Trump’s presidency but, but he’s not alone. The Clintons have been teasing the release of the government’s UFO files for decades. That the government is covering up the existence of UFOs and that the government is covering up the true story behind the assassination of JFK are two of the most popular and mainstream conspiracies. Like A Game of Thrones, these conspiracy theories are genre-defining. And like UFOlogists and JFK assassination nuts, obsessed Game of Thrones fans have slowly been driven mad by the impossibly long wait for resolution, coming up with their own tinfoil theories about the book on places like Reddit.

By releasing the JFK files, Trump has issued a challenge both to his political opponents, who could make the release of the UFO files a core part of the 2020 campaign, and to George R. R. Martin, who must try to complete his Game of Thrones story before the world is destroyed by nuclear war with North Korea started by Trump.

At press time, political pundits were in agreement that all of this was part of a shrewd strategy by Trump to appeal to his base.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.