James Gunn Says Donald Trump Rockets His Raccoon Every Morning

As an esteemed member of the Hollywood elite and a guy who tweets all the freaking time, Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn is a trusted source for the latest in entertainment news. Some smart and handsome industry analysts even theorize that Gunn is attempting to transform his social media presence into a legitimate media company offering the latest scoops on Marvel Cinematic Universe Easter eggs and updates on whether or not his brother Sean Gunn will receive parts in his movies (yes).

But could James Gunn now be branching out into the world of porn and politics?

That’s what Gunn’s latest dispatch from Twitter seems to indicate. Gunn quoted a tweet from CNN about Donald Trump’s latest gaffe, claiming to meet with the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands even though Trump himself is actually the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands, since it is a U.S. territory and does not have its own President. Gunn used the opportunity to paint a picture in the minds of his followers that most would have preferred to avoid ever seeing:

According to Gunn, Trump pleasures himself on a daily basis while thinking about… himself. It’s a bold claim that some might call “too much information,” but to us, it simply raises more questions. For instance, if Gunn’s shocking allegations are true, then if the president reads Gunn’s tweet, could he become aroused by the thought of himself pleasuring himself to himself? It’s like looking into a wall of mirrors and seeing infinite reflections, except in this case, instead of reflections, we are talking about the President of the United States masturbating. And not even one of the hot ones, like Obama, Lincoln, or Taft.

At press time, Trump hasn’t responded to the allegations, despite almost certainly reading them since they occured on Twitter. We here at Bleeding Cool will continue monitoring the Twitter feeds of both Trump and Gunn, as dictated by our regular policy, and let you know if there’s any more breaking news on this fascinating situation.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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