Chinese Investors Want Hollywood To Stop Making Crappy Movies

Posted by August 3, 2017 Comment

Initiating a bold economic strategy that could change the way Hollywood does business, Chinese financiers have reportedly asked movie industry executives to stop making terrible movies that bomb at the box office.

According to a report from spice-of-life-themed entertainment website Variety, top Viacom executives have flown to China in order to reassure Chinese film company Huahua Media after a billion dollar film slate financing deal with Viacom-owned Paramount cost the investors tens of millions of dollars.

Huahua takes issue with the company’s filmmaking process that has produced underperforming movies like Baywatch, Ghost in the Shell, and even Transformers: The Last Knight, and would much prefer if Paramount would make movies that perform well and make a profit, rather than movies that fail to live up to expectations or lose money at the box office. They’re seeking assurances to that effect, and warned that if things don’t improve in the next 1-2 years, they might stop sending Hollywood boatloads of cash to use indiscriminately.

For more on how Hollywood can adjust to meet the expectations of their Chinese partners, we spoke with renowned Boxofficologist and real person, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

“The trick is to make movies that aren’t terrible,” Professor Puffinbottoms explained. “Yes, to some extent, there’s a risk to any production, but for chrissakes, use some common sense.”

“Nobody was clamoring for a Baywatch movie,” Puffinbottoms added.


About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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(Last Updated August 3, 2017 3:15 pm )

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