Hello, Wolverine. Goodbye, Wolverine. [X-ual Healing 11-28-18]

Hello, Wolverine. Goodbye, Wolverine. [X-ual Healing 11-28-18]

Posted by December 2, 2018 Comment

Ah, what a magical time to be an X-Men fan. We’re used to shocking character deaths and even more shocking character resurrXions. That sort of thing happens on a regular basis around here. But it’s rare that we get the death and resurrection of a character at the same time. And yet, that’s what’s going on in the X-books right now, with the original Wolverine nearing the end of a return that’s nearing one and a half years long, and his time-displaced alternate-future version, Old Man Logan, entering the beginning of what will be a year-long death maxi-series. If they time it right, Marvel could theoretically keep this going on an alternating cycle, killing one Wolverine and bringing another back constantly. There’s certainly enough Wolverines to go around.

But it’s not all about Wolverines this week. There’s also a new issue of Uncanny X-Men, which is really picking up steam, and of course am X-traneous Deadpool/Black Panther crossover. Let’s find out what happened in Marvel’s mutant books this week…


Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.


Uncanny X-Men #3
(W) Ed Brisson, Kelly Thompson, Matthew Rosenberg (A) Yildiray Cinar (CA) Leinil Francis Yu
THE CHILDREN OF THE ATOM ARE BACK!
New ongoing series kicking off with a 10-part weekly epic, the flagship X-Men series that started it all is back and better than ever! Starting with a mysterious and tragic disappearance, the X-Men are drawn into what might be…their final adventure?! X-Fan favorite writers Ed Brisson (EXTERMINATION), Matthew Rosenberg (PHOENIX RESURRECTION) and Kelly Thompson (MR. & MRS. X) and all-star artists Mahmud Asrar (X-MEN RED), R.B. Silva (X-MEN BLUE), Yildiray Cinar (WEAPON X) and Pere Pérez (ROGUE AND GAMBIT) join forces to bring you…X-MEN DISASSEMBLED?!
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 28, 2018
SRP: $3.99

The X-Men are split up into three teams. Jean, Bishop, Northstar, Iceman, and X-23 battle make quick work of some rampaging dinosaurs in Montana while Storm, Psylocke, Polaris, Jubilee, Cannonball, and Nightcrawler fight out-of-control Jamie Madrox dupes in Kansas. Finally, the young X-Men including Pixie, Armor, Glob Herman, and Rockslide are under siege from anti-mutant protestors at the X-Mansion in Central Park, and they have a visitor: the mutant Legion, who they decide to reluctantly let in the house, as he claims he’s there to help.

Jean’s team joins the X-Men in Kansas to mop up the dupes, where she notices X-23 stab one in the head, just like in her vision from Uncanny X-Men #1. Jean and Psylocke combine their powers to finally shut down the dupes and Jean realizes that the source of it all is directly underneath them. Back at the mansion, unfortunately, whatever the X-Men did to the dupes seems to have affected Legion, who flips out, his hair going from nicely slicked back to his trademark sticking-straight-up-in-the-air style. He says he tried to do things the nice way, but the X-Men forced his hand. He lashes out at the kids with his powers. Underneath the town in Kansas, the X-Men find the prime Jamie Madrox.

Flying back to the mansion, Jean realizes she can’t reach anyone there. She contacts Beast, who is just on his way back from stealing the cure for mutantism which he probably plans to use on himself or maybe all the X-Men because he’s a freaking traitor. Beast arrives just in time to see Rockslide blasted through a wall and into the front yard, where all the protestors are gathered. The rest of the X-Men arrive soon after and immediately insult the kids by telling them to abandon the fight with Legion while the adults take care of business and get the protestors out of danger instead, adding to the frustration some of them have been feeling. Legion warns Jean that he was doing all of this to protect them. From what, she asks? That question is answered with the arrival of the new Four Horsemen: Peace, Life, Wellness, and Bounty. Or, in other words, Magneto, the Blob, Angel, and Omega Red. They’re there to bring peace to the world by “ending” the X-Men.

For our cliffhanger, Magneto blows up the mansion.

OMG what happens next?! You can see the immediate aftermath in the preview of the next issue here.

What a first act it’s been so far! Hasn’t it felt nice to feel like the story taking place in an X-Men comic is one that really matters, not one of three or four ongoing “main” stories which might or might not acknowledge the events in the others. Big, bad things are happening to the X-Men fast, the situation is spinning out of control, and the tension is building within the team. And it’s only going to get worse.

One complaint is that this story getting into full swing already does make the recently delayed Extermination finale feel a little less impactful, since we know which X-Men survive that (and which ones probably don’t). But you can’t really blame either story for that; it literally happens with every single Marvel event comic.

In any case, we just want the Uncanny X-Men creative team to know that they’re doing a great job so far, and this relaunch is 100% X-ual Healing approved.

Return of Wolverine #3 (of 5)
(W) Charles Soule (A) Declan Shalvey (CA) Steve McNiven
Wolverine vs. the X-Men?!
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Nov 28, 2018
SRP: $3.99

Now that the X-Men have located Wolverine, Jean Grey, Storm, and Kitty Pryde gather Iceman and Nightcrawler and head to Soteira’s mysterious island city, where the returned but amnesiac Logan and his scientist friend, Ana, are searching for her kidnapped son. The city is filled with strange modern architecture that seems to all be built out of plain whit concrete, with the only decorations and color coming from bright yellow Soteira billboards plastered all over the city with the phrase “The new world is yours to build.” The X-Men arrive and find themselves quickly assaulted by a mob of police and citizens weilding bottles, bricks, and tear gas. Basically, the same immigration border policy as we have in America right now.

A struggle breaks out, which Logan detects from across town. He runs off to investigate, which Ana seems to act a little suspicious about, responding, “I’ll be waiting.” From her command center, Soteira leader Perspephone watches the events unfold and provides some expository dialogue to explain why she’s not killing all the potential mutant children in the world like she promised to do at the end of Hunt for Wolverine if the X-Men went looking for Logan (it’s because this is all a distraction to keep the X-Men busy while she brings her real plans to fruition). Back in the city, Wolverine comes across a man whose face is bleeding fleeing the battle. He tells Wolverine that the X-Men (who Wolverine doesn’t remember) must be with Soteira, which doesn’t really make any sense since the city itself clearly belongs to Soteira, but Wolverine buys it and heads into the fight to take down the X-Men.

As he takes them on, we get a look inside the prison in his mind again, where one of the Wolverines in there provides strategic information for taking down the X-Men, starting with Nightcrawler, but Wolverine does retract his claws right before punching Kurt in the face, only knocking him out. He next attacks Jean, but is distracted by memory flashbacks of her, you know, because he luuuvvvvs her. That gives Iceman an opportunity to encase Wolverine in ice, at which point the strategic Wolverine in Wolverine’s mind has no more ideas, so Wolverine unleashes the beserker Wolverine instead, and you know what that means: his claws get hot. Ugh.

The final page shows an enraged Wolverine, hot claws in full effect, with an Iceman whose body has been severed in half on the ground behind him. Don’t worry though, a little urine can fix that right up.

Thankfully, there’s only two more issues of this nonsense and we can hopefully move on and forget hot claws ever happened.

Dead Man Logan #12
(W) Ed Brisson (A) Mike Henderson (CA) Declan Shalvey
DEAD MEANS DEAD.
The writing’s been on the wall for months now… Logan is dying. And he ain’t getting any better. Sick from the Adamantium coating his skeleton, his search for a cure has led to nothing but dead ends. But for once he’s actually trying to leave this world with some unfinished business… Can Logan take his last breath without slaughtering the X-Men again? Not if Mysterio has anything to say about it…
Superstar creative team ED BRISSON (OLD MAN LOGAN, UNCANNY X-MEN) and MIKE HENDERSON (DEADPOOL VS. OLD MAN LOGAN), with covers by DECLAN SHALVEY (MOON KNIGHT), is putting this old dog out of his misery with a bang!
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Nov 28, 2018
SRP: $4.99

The story begins with Dr. Cecilia Reyes, Forge, and Glob Herman retrieving Logan’s body from Northern Canada, where he seemingly died in Old Man Logan #50. Logan wakes up eleven days later for a lecture from Reyes about how his use of regenix, the healing factor drug that destroys your internal organs, which means he has exactly 12 months left to live (how convenient that this comic is exactly 12 issues long). Glob is concerned and wants Logan to seek a second opinion from Doctor Strange or Reed Richards, but Logan doesn’t care. He’s ready to die, as he knows that the original Wolverine’s return should probably finally be complete sometime in the next few months. Hopefully.

In the meantime, he’s got some business to take care of: killing Mysterio so that Mysterio can’t make him or any other Wolverine kill all the X-Men, as he did in his own alternate future’s past. He heads to the Bar with No Name and beats up a bunch of D-list villains and flunkies looking for information, but leaves Miss Sinister alone for some reason. She uses the opportunity to read his mind and learn what he’s doing though, so she decides she’s going to beat Logan to Mysterio. In an interlude, Forge walks in on Glob Herman browsing the Mutant Mingle dating site (but thinks he’s looking at porn) and tells Glob he has something important to tell Logan. In Brooklyn, where Logan is tracking down Mysterio, he’s joined by Hawkeye, who wants to team up and help (and seems surprisingly okay with the fact that Logan probably plans to kill Mysterio). Hawkeye knows where Mysterio is – in a psychiatric hospital in Bedford Hills, New York.

Miss Sinister gets there first, finding Mysterio’s self-illusion (he is making it look like he’s at the Playboy Mansion) pathetic. She warns him that Logan is coming to kill him, but if he joins her, they can kill the X-Men (and all other heroes) for good. When Logan and Hawkeye finally arrive, Hawkeye tries to bluff their way in through the front entrance by touting his Avengers credentials, but no one knows who he is. Hawkeye is particularly affronted when the receptionist knows of Stingray but not him. They come back later and sneak in through a window, only to learn that Mysterio has already left with Sinister to kill the X-Men. Meanwhile, Forge has reassembled Maestro’s dimensional travel device and opened a portal to Old Man Logan’s home, the Wastelands. Also meanwhile, Sinsister and Mysterio break into a police evidence room to steal Mysterio’s costume back, and then they head to an island in the Pacific Ocean where they meet up with Crossbones and Sin (the daughter of the Red Skull) and a crapload of henchmen, who have formed an organization called Neo-Hydra.

We’re gonna say it’s probably a bad thing that the book that’s killing a Wolverine is far more interesting than the one that’s bringing a Wolverine back. It’s not too late to change your minds, Marvel! Kill Wolverine again and keep Old Man Logan around!

There was a lot packed into this issue. Hell, the last few pages contained more plot developments than an entire comic usually does nowadays. For that, Dead Man Logan #1 is the Wolverine’s Weiner X-Pick of the week!

Congratulations to the creative team on winning the most coveted weekly grilled meat-themed comics award.

Black Panther vs. Deadpool #2 (of 5)
(W) Daniel Kibblesmith (A) Ricardo Lopez Ortiz (CA) Ryan Benjamin
DEADPOOL ON THE HUNT!
Deadpool’s carving a path through the Wakandan wilderness on the hunt for Vibranium! And his missing right arm! The Black Panther proooobably should be watching him. But T’Challa’s mind is distracted with the possibility of a revolutionary new technology. One that could change the world…starting with Wakanda. But there may not be a country to revolutionize if Deadpool goes unchecked. Will the king and the sometimes-hero reach an accord, or is this a fight to the death?
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Nov 28, 2018
SRP: $3.99

After Black Panther cut off Deadpool’s arm and teleported him outside of Wakanda at the end of last issue, Deadpool finds himself outside the border where some big game hunter bros have just shot a zebra. Deadpool bargains with their local tour guides, offering them a bunch of money so they don’t have to help douchebags murder animals anymore in exchange for one of their jeeps and a way to sneak back into Wakanda. When one of the bros gives Deadpool trouble, he cuts off the hunter’s arm. Then he cuts off the head of the zebra (which is still alive) and attaches it to his own shoulder.

Meanwhile, Black Panther discovers that the device invented by his sister which he used to cut off Deadpool’s arm may actually be the cure for death. He invites his mom to watch him take down the Avengers in a hard light simulation while he contemplates whether he should use the device on himself so he can live forever and rule Wakanda, which seems like some shit Doctor Doom or Donald Trump would do. Before she can tell him that’s a terrible idea, Deadpool arrives. The Panther has a simulation version of himself keep Deadpool busy while he evacuates his mom, then gets to kicking Deadpool’s ass again. However, they’re interrupted by an alert that a plane has entered Wakandan airspace, one which belonged to the hunters from earlier, but which apparently was used by Jack O’ Lantern to sneak into Wakanda.

Deadpool informs the Panther that this is the phase of their team-up book where they team up, to which the Panther reluctantly agrees.

It’s not that this is a bad comic. It’s actually entertaining for what it is. We’re just not sure why it exists. Who was asking for this?


That’s all for this week, folks! See you next week for Uncanny X-Men #4, X-Men: The Exterminated, Deadpool #7, Shatterstar #3, and the Merry X-Men Holiday Special!

Read more X-ual Healing here:

(Last Updated December 2, 2018 11:28 am )

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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