And Finally… Clark Kent ‘Identifies As Human’

Christopher_Reeve_Clark_Kent (1)In recent weeks, there has been a major scandal in the media, as respected journalist among the human community, Clark Kent, was outed by his own newspaper as actually being Kryptonian in genetic origin. While he was brought up alongside humans, his own biological parents were 100% Kryptonian.

When asked, Jor-El told this reporter that Clark Kent, or Kal-El to use his real name, was his father. And Lara-El said she didn’t know why Clark was pretending to be human and blamed the people he hung around with in Smallville.

When asked if he was human, Clark Kent first said that he didn’t understand the question, before running off at a speed that this reporter clocked as faster than a speeding bullet. The clip went viral and became a talking point on chat shows and comedy shows alike, especially when Clark had to return for his red cape and boots.

Since then, Clark Kent has returned to face questions, in which he states that he identifies as being human. He has not denied that he altered his appearance, adopting a stoop, combing his hair forwards, wearing human-style glasses and hiding his Kryptonian armour under an ill-fitting suit.

But investigation reveals that he posed for photos with Jonathan Kent and Martha Kent, stating that they were his natural parents.

“My life has been one of survival,” he said. “And the decisions that I have made along the way have been to survive and to carry forward in my journey and life continuum.”

But no one had a clue what any of that meant.

About Rich Johnston

Chief writer and founder of Bleeding Cool. Father of two. Comic book clairvoyant. Political cartoonist.