This is James Bond’s recipe for scrambled eggs from the Ian Fleming short story 007 in New York.
(serves four ‘individualists’)
12 fresh eggs
salt and pepper
5-6 oz. fresh butter.
Break the eggs into a bowl. Beat thoroughly with a fork and season well. In a small copper (or heavy-bottomed saucepan) melt four oz. of the butter. When melted, pour in the eggs and cook over a very low heat, whisking continuously with a small egg whisk. While the eggs are slightly more moist than you would wish for eating, remove pan from heat, add rest of butter, and continue whisking for half a minute, adding the while finely chopped chives or fine herbs. Serve on hot buttered toast in individual copper dishes (for appearance only) with pink champagne (Taittainger) and low music.
Not everyone agrees. Warren Ellis had his own take in a Bad Signal that has been lost to time that demanded a high heat and a spatula, and demanded no use of milk, but allowed cream.
Kieron Gillen clearly remembered the lesson too, in his own mailing list writing,
1) Get eggs. Good eggs. The core of good cooking is good ingredients. That’s why we use the word “good.”
2) Crack eggs into a bowl.
4) Get the milk out the fridge.
5) Make eye-contact with Warren Ellis.
6) Not breaking eye-contact with Warren Ellis, slowly pour milk into your whiskedeggs.
7) Dodge Warren Ellis’ first attack. Warren Ellis will lead with his left, so you either circle right or dodge under the blow. I’d recommend sliding under the arm as it comes high, but this is a high risk manoeuvrer. If Warren Ellis makes contact, it’s all over. That arm will cut you in two.
8) Back out the room. Warren Ellis will follow. Warren Ellis’ dander will be up.
9) Try and crush Warren Ellis with the two tree-trunks you prepared earlier, but Warren Ellis is smarter than that. What were you thinking? You’re a fool. You’re a simple, bewildered fool.
10) Warren Ellis will be momentarily distracted smashing the timber into splinters. Use this opportunity to cover yourself in mud to conceal yourself from Warren Ellis.
11) Hold your breath, shut your eyes and lie still until Warren Ellis leaves.
12) Go to local cafe, order Scrambled Eggs with Chorizo instead.
And it seems Gail Simone may also have been channelling Warren Ellis memories for this week’s Domino #6. When someone else is not a fan of adding milk to scrambled eggs…
(W) Gail Simone (A) Michael Shelfer (CA) Greg Land
KILLER INSTINCT CONCLUDES!
Project Armageddon wanted a Super-Soldier they could control… A weapon they could point… A trigger they could pull… Instead they got PURE CHAOS. Neena Thurman’s past collides with the present and nothing will be the same again. Don’t miss the stunning conclusion of KILLER INSTINCT! Parental Advisory In Shops: Sep 12, 2018 SRP: $3.99
And while we may no longer have Warren’s recipe for scrambled eggs, we do have his omelette…
The omelette is an ancient French dish, one of that wonderful people’s greatest gifts to the world. It’s a three minute job at most, and less than two of those are in the pan. It is simple and should be pure. Don’t put milk in it. You don’t need butter. Don’t fucking flip it like it’s eggs over easy. It’s a fucking omelette. He does these things to destroy the omelette because he is evil. Eeeeee villllll. He only uses butter and milk so he can destroy more things while making breakfast.
Get a small non-stick pan on the hob, at three-quarters heat. Crack two eggs into a bowl and dash them with a fork for thirty seconds. You don’t need to whisk them. An omelette should not be a homogenous mass. You want ribbons of yolk and white tangled together.
When a tiny drop of water in the pan sizzles when it hits, pour the eggs in.
Leave alone for thirty seconds. Just let it sit and work.
Take the pan and shake it, like you’re doing figure-eights with your wrist. Most of the work here is with the pan handle. If you’re really good, you won’t need a spatula at all. But this isn’t a test. Lift the edges of the forming omelette with the spatula. After a minute, the whole thing will become free of the pan and slide around. Keep shaking it. You want the top to look like scrambled eggs, shiny and almost-set.
This is why you don’t fiip it. An omelette is an exercise in textures. Firm to the bite on one side, soft and airy on the other.
If you want a filling, it goes in now, just for fifteen/twenty seconds to warm it up.
Then you flip the right hand side of the omelette into the middle. You will see that the underside has become firm and golden.
Slide the whole thing on to your plate so the left hand side folds underneath.
Now you season. I’m currently using black sea salt and smoked paprika.
I had some left over aromatic duck from a Chinese meal last night,so I just shredded a little bit of that. Experiment. You can wilt baby spinach right on top of it for twenty seconds. Some people grate cheese in. Sometimes I chop up some red bell pepper and toss that in.
Perfect is the enemy of good. As you will see below, today’s is a little ragged and a touch too gold in places. But you’re not making food for a photo book. You’re making something that tastes good and surrounds the intent of the object. It’s just eggs, comrade.
If you’re counting: without the filling, this omelette is around 150 calories and around 25g of protein. It’s not classical, because it doesn’t use butter, but in the days of good non-stick pans, I don’t personally think it’s vital. Your mileage may vary. People will tell you to use water (for the steam effect, to aerate the omelette) or milk (for reasons beyond my understanding). (Actually, no: I suspect milk in particular is a chef’s tool for banging out a reliable omelette for two hundred covers at breakfast.) I always prefer to experience the thing in itself, for itself. Don’t be Wilson Fisk.
In the words of Madame Poularde: “I break some good eggs into a bowl, I beat them well, I put in a good piece of butter in the pan. I throw the eggs into it and I shake it constantly. I am happy, monsieur, if this recipe pleases you.”
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