How Iron Man Three Will Make You Squee (SPOILERS)

Mr. Stark… Ready For A Lesson?  Another New Iron Man TV Spot

This morning, I saw three scenes from the upcoming Iron Man 3 movie. I’m going to talk about them. There will be spoilers. Not major spoilers, I only saw twenty minutes in total, which look like they came from from the beginning of the film, but I am going to talk about them. Especially one scene which will make a lot of people start squeeing, including one particularly excitable shop worker at Orbital Comics. Let’s talk about that now

We’ve seen shots of Tony’s home getting attacked. We’ve seen Tony summoning his new Mark Forty-Two armour.

What we haven’t seen until now is, as his home is blown to smithereens, him summoning his armour to assemble… around Pepper Potts and not him. Squee number one. Squee number two is, as debris threatens to flatten Tony, for armoured-up Pepper to rush in and protect Tony’s prone body. With an “I got you.” “I got you first” exchange.

Tony is hit on two fronts, by a one night stand/experimental biologist arriving in the middle of a fight with Pepper and then, you know, by the Mandarin missiles. We see them on the TV before they hit the house which, you know, Tony and Pepper would have seen if they weren’t fighting. And, yes, the dialogue is far more Iron Man 1 that Iron Man 2. Hell, it’s even No Heroics.

Then there is lots of kicksplodo. A malfunctioning suit. Dragged under water. Held by cables. And then… well, you’re familiar with the idea of lifting yourself up by your own bootstraps? Baron Munchausen lifting himself out if the sea by pulling on his own pigtail? We get that. Tony’s hand unit de attaching, turning around, grasping Tony’s hand and pulling him up, up and away.

When he crashes in Roseville, Tennessee on auto pilot. In the snow. We said this was a Christmas film yes? We’re not done yet.

Because Tony then has to drag his offline armour through the snow (“I actually think I need to sleep now, sir”) like the peasant in God King Wenceslas. The carol doesn’t play. But it might as well do. And then a phone call where he apologises to Pepper for not being there for her and how she is the more important thing in the world to him (“I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian”).

Again with the squee.

But after that, the bit that will most likely divide fans more than anything else. Cute Kid Syndrome. Even worse, cute wannabe engineer kid syndrome. Whose mother works in the diner and whose father has left. And Tony is to step into that role. He even gives him a little repulsor technology to use against bullies.

It’s not just a Christmas film, but a Family Christmas film.

Oh and when asked about a newspaper headline announcing Tony’s death is asked “that’s War Machine, right?” “It’s Iron Patriot right now.” “That’s cooler!” “No it’s not.” So Tony, not so much a fan of the war marketing speak.

And it looks that we’ll see a lot of that, with the Mandarin, Captain America shield tattoo on the back of his neck and all, is made up to basically be Super Bin Laden, from the video set being set up for his recording purposes “Nobody makes eye contact unless you want to get shot in the face.”

Oh and we also get the fourteen foot plush bunny that Tony bought Pepper for Christmas that is clearly too large. The bunny doesn’t make it, folks. And neither do the robot arms. Seriously, I felt a lump in my throat at the “death” of them.

Hopefully they’ll get rebuilt for New Year’s.

About Rich Johnston

Chief writer and founder of Bleeding Cool. Father of two. Comic book clairvoyant. Political cartoonist.

twitter   facebook square   globe