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Manchild: A Story Of My Love For Comics, My Wife And Not Screwing Up

Age: 32. Height 5 something Weight: Podgy.  BMI: Relaxed but prone to back ache.

In the midst of an evening of passion with my wife, I called a halt to the goings on.
Worried, my wife asked me what was wrong.
After giving some rather lame excuses I just blurted out:
"I have this feeling that's kind of taking up a lot of head space?"
"What feelings?", she asked.
"Well,… I kinda, sorta have a crush on Narusegawa from Love Hina.."

There are words that could describe what her replies were, but they were quite a lot, in no particular order and absolutely paled in comparison to the ice cold razor sharp wind that blew through the marital bed and my life from that point on and for some months after.

This serves to illustrate the relationship I have with comics: It's all in my head until I say something and ruin everything. Or it explodes from my head, but then everything is still ruined and the couch is a bit dirtier.

But despite all these insurmountable issues, angry wife notwithstanding, here I still sit trolling through comic book sites looking for my little piece of quiet, guiltless heaven.

Whether its comic book news or an online comic (who can afford normal comics these days, baby to feed, wife to placate) it is a treat to find something awesomely brilliant and then talk to someone hundred of miles away about it.
It sets of little cogwheels running in my head, generating grand ideas for death rays, super powered ex convicts, sassy ladies with deadly sharp rapier wit and television series featuring missing writers, until I eventually blurt something at usually the most inappropriate time and get myself in trouble. Me: Nil . Everyone else: Two Hundred and Sixty Three.

My wife takes everything in her stride now, since I more or less committed the worse possible crime known to married people everywhere. So having my Graphic Novels boxed and shipped down to my mother-in-law wasn't much of a big deal but still I bring home meager stash of comics and I get to read them the same day too.

Anyway.
When the world just becomes a bit too much to bear and I need a moment to centre myself (the wife nixed me getting a Green Lantern insignia lasered onto my wedding ring as a means to express "my rich inner fantasy life".), in a world literally gone mad with being Dad, Husband, Provider and Chronic 'Screw Upper' I think of Mark Waid and his brilliant defining words for that 'screw upper made good, Wally West.

"My name is Wally West. I'm the Flash. The Fastest Man Alive."

And I smile, because I can almost feel the lightning.

RL Wicombe, Cape Town, South Africa.

Send your Manchild accounts to richjohnston@gmail.com

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