Ten Thoughts About Doctor Who: The Wedding Of River Song

1. So That’s Where The Money Went

There’s been the observation that there have been a bunch of what you might call relatively budget episodes of Doctor Who this year. Was this down to BBC-imposed cuts, or were they saving up?

Well, steam powered trains running on scaffolding from the London Gherkins to the Pyramids might count. Balloon-borne cars, still in traffic jams. Pteranodons circling Hyde Park. Emperor Churchill in Buckingham Palace as part of a Roman British Empire, as well as an American Egyptian Empire, Live Chess, Daleks, Pyramids and a little touch of Leadworth. That’ll do…

Oh and Londinium Cotide? Latin for The Daily London. And Cafe Zest? I wonder if it might explain this…

And a world where it’s always tea time. Can’t be that bad, can it?

2. Your Move, Doctor

The beginning of The God Complex opened with a night time game of chess playing outside the department store. And here it is again,playing Mark Gatiss – who played Professor Lazarus and wrote The Unquiet Dead, The Idiot’s Lantern, Victory Of The Daleks and Night Terrors. Clearly it’s not a shit business, not for Gatiss that is.

But here we have a chess game, with life on the line, and if you move the Queen too much, you get shocked to death. Well now, isn’t that just what the Doctor’s been doing with River?

3. Rule One: The Moffat Lies

No Daleks this season, eh, Steven? Oh and of course there was that insistence that the Doctor did actually die..,

Still, still nice to see the results of one Abslom Daak on the TV screen, a Dalek chainsawed in two.

4. Five Rounds Rapid

Goodbye to an old friend. And something that gives him an impetus as well.

5. That’s One Powerful Teselecta

They gave us so many doubles. Prisoner Zero doubles, ganger doubles, time travelling doubles, it was going to have to be one of them.

And since it can grow a motorbike from its bottom, faking regeneration energy for a convincing final death scene shouldn’t be beyond it. But why would he Silence use an unwilling River, if it’s the suit that’s controlling her? Why not put Madame Kovarian in the suit, no problems there.

Unless, it’s all about fulfilling their religious prophecies… doing what they know has been done. And that’s what the Doctor ends up doing too, fulfilling the fixed point in time. Religion and science meeting to do exactly the same thing again.

And the Doctor escaping in his miniaturised TARDIS. So that’s where it was all along.

Either way, if the first attempt to kill the Doctor was to blow up the TARDIS which destroyed the universe, and the second destroyed time itself, do you think the Silence should just stop now, before the fields of Trenzalore, the fall of the eleventh and the answering of the question? Because on past performance, there really doesn’t seem to be any point.

Unless of course the TARDIS blowing up was an attempt to kill one of their old agents who has now gone rogue after she failed in her duties.

Hang on. Did River marry The Doctor or did she marry the Teselecta?

And did we have motorised suit killing motorised suit?

6. Least Said Soonest Mended

Sometimes its the smallest, fastest exchanges that say so much.

Rory: I’m not sure I completely understand.
Amy: We got married, had a kid, that’s her.
Rory: Okay.

Amy: You and I should get a drink sometime.
Rory: Okay
Amy: And married

Rory: Fine.

7. Nothing Quite Says “I Love You” Like A Machine Gun.

And if all time and space is happening at once, then it could well have been older Amy that took down Madame Kovarian?

8. I Will Taunt You A Second Time

“Rory Williams, the man who dies again and again and again”

See even the Silence noticed.

9. This Is The Face Of A Mother-In-Law

Back in Leadworth with Rory. With her daughter popping by to see her from time to time. And happy with her new knowledge. Well, most of it.

They’ll be back.

10. Doctor Who?

Okay, it was as obvious as all hell. But we’re still no nearer to the answer. But we could learn at the Fall Of The Eleventh, I suppose. The Silence will return, And there’s a fiftieth anniversary waiting. And a new Doctor. That might answer the question.

So what is his name? If River didn’t learn it now, when will she? Plenty more Doctor/River adventures to come…

The frog has been put back in the box. A blue box.

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