Are These Really The 5.2 Reasons Why Batman Still Thrills At 75?

Yesterday DC Comics put out a new list, 5.2 Reasons Batman Still Thrills At 75. I’m a bit tired of lists. I see them on the internet all the time. 17 reasons why you should feel old. 13 reasons we should forgive Miley Cyrus. 21 reasons why we should stop making random lists. And so on and so on.

So I’ve got a mad-on about lists already then I see this… 5.2 reasons… I know it’s a clever way to tie into the New 52 without coming up with 52 reasons, but 5.2 just set off my fury about random numbered lists. And I’m still burnt from all the Image Expo coverage yesterday… so here is their list and my thoughts on them.

Batmobile1. Bat-Vehicles

Their Take: Unlike many other heroes, Batman lacks the ability to fly, run at fast speeds, or swim underwater with precision and without air. However, while limited to human mobility he may be—limited he is not. He’s spent crazy sums of money to create not only a Batmobile but also a Bat-Plane, a Bat-Boat, a Bat-Cycle, and even at one point a Bat-Gyrocopter.

My Take: I always thought the vehicles were cool looking but a giant liability. They stand out like a sore thumb. If you need to find Batman, just check the traffic cameras for a few minutes and that very obvious Batmobile will pop out. For a guy who wants to be an urban legend, he’s making it where a lot of people can get a camera phone shot of him. If he really wanted to be inconspicuous he’d be driving a Ford F-150.

dark-knight-returns-comic-012. Even in Old Age He Literally Still Kicks Ass

Their Take: As we mentioned, Batman hits 75 this year, but you’re only as old as you feel, and when it comes to the Dark Knight, we’re pretty sure he’ll continue kicking butt for another 75 years—especially when you consider titles like Batman Beyond and the best-selling Dark Knight Returns, which features an older Dark Knight beating the heck out of gangs and super-villains.

My Take: The older me likes the older Batman. Makes me think I’m still young. But I’m not. I’m at least fifteen to twenty years younger than DKR’s Batman and my back starts to hurt going out to get the mail. Maybe he hits the street again once, but then Alfred smears on the Ben Gay and Bruce sleeps in for two weeks because moving the blanket is too difficult.

2012-06-06-justice_league3. He Knows How To Take Down Every Other Hero

Their Take: When it comes to who would win in a fight, most people’s money is on Batman. The reason is simple: the man is insanely intelligent (arguably also just, you know, insane) and always prepared. He has contingency plans to take down his closest friends for crying out loud much less his own enemies.

My Take: I’m totally with them on this one. Every guy does this. They look at their friends and think, “Bob’s got a bad knee. If I ever had to fight him, I’d stomp the knee right away and then…” So I completely believe Batman would do this and probably could figure out how to take down all of the Justice League. We’ve never seen how he’d take out Green Arrow but I have a feeling it would involve cutting bow strings and putting on one of those “save this dog” commercials with music by Sarah McLachlan.

batman-black-white_silvestri4. Power of Bad-Assery

Their Take: People say what makes Batman cool is that he has no superpowers. Well, we say he does: the power of being a badass. So many times he has done something so incredible and unbelievable—escaping inescapable traps, beating unbeatable obstacles, solving unsolvable mysteries—and given the simple explanation of, “I’m Batman.” But you know what? It’s still a reasonable explanation.

My Take: They may be on to something here. This may be the same thing that Chuck Norris and Samuel L. Jackson have. How do you quantify it though? Is he like level 10 Bad-Assery and Booster Gold is say level 2? Would the opposite power be Lame-Assery? That would explain a few other super-heroes.

Batman_Family_00045. BA with a Heart of Gold

Their Take: Here’s how cool Batman is: he passes himself off of a loner, as a guy who doesn’t care about anything other than justice, but still has a whole family of friends and colleagues that he has taken in over the years and will do anything to protect. Say what you want about how much you like working alone, Batman, but we know the truth. You’re just a big softy.

My Take: This is where the character goes off the tracks a bit for me. For a guy who suffered unspeakable tragedy as a child, you’d think he’d be way over protective of those he loves (like he is of his city). I’d think he’d do anything to keep Dick, Jason, Tim and Barbara away from danger, not let them tag along as he goes off to deal with a psychopath like the Joker. He has a big heart for all the people of the city… except the couple of children he keeps taking out to get killed.

The .2 comes from 2 more entries… yes that makes seven… but they give no explanation or they believe they are self-explanatory.

800px-Hush_Villains5.1 Greatest. Rogues. Gallery. EVER!!

My Take: The Flash and Spider-Man may have something to say about that. Batman’s villains are great from a psychological perspective and how they counter different parts of the Batman persona… but some of the villains seem rather dated until recently with the push to upgrade or “Arkham-ize” them.

GDBATMAN5.2 He’s the Goshdarn Batman!

My Take: I’m guessing that is supposed to be the PC version of “The Goddam Batman!” And in truth, evoking the Frank Miller argument was all they needed to say.

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