It’s Turkey Day here in the United States, a time for families to gather around the dinner table, gorge themselves on turkey, stuffing, and mashed root vegetables, and violently engage in inter-generational warfare over politics. It’s also a time to remember what you’re thankful for, which, honestly, we’re having a hard time doing this year. Why? Because Warner Bros has still not released the Snyder Cut of Justice League.
The Snyder Cut of Justice League, for those not familiar, is a version of the 2017 film which restores the Vision of original director Zack Snyder, who was forced to leave the production before it was completed due to a personal tragedy. Warner Bros brought in alleged fake feminist Joss Whedon to finish the job, promising to stay true to Zack Snyder’s Vision for the film. However, when all was said and done, Whedon replaced all of Snyder’s badass Superman scenes and replaced them with scenes where Cyborg says Booyah. As a result, Justice League flopped at the box office, causing then DC Films president Jon Berg to pay the ultimate price, and eventually leading to DC rebranding the DC Extended Universe as Worlds of DC and severing all ties to Snyder’s larger grim and gritty vision of a DC Universe where “you’re living in a f**king dream world” if you don’t think superheroes kill.
But one group of headstrong and motivated hardcore fans of Zack Snyder’s Vision, dubbing themselves The Snyderbronies, refused to accept that the theatrical version of Justice League is the only one viewers deserve. These Snyderbronies took to social media, billboards, and the streets of Burbank to demand that Warner Bros release the Snyder Cut, and they haven’t stopped after years, showing a fervor and devotion never before seen in the world of cinematic fandom. Some of the world’s most powerful people have joined the ranks of the Snyderbronies, including politicians like DC-loving Long Beach Mayor Robert Garcia, superstar comic book artists and blue jean models like Rob Liefeld, and hunky movie stars like Jason Mamoa.
And yet, it’s Thanksgiving 2019, and still Warner Bros has not released the Snyder Cut. To make matters worse, spice-of-life-themed Hollywood gossip rag Variety published a hit piece just this week in an attempt to demoralize The Snyderbronies by claiming that the Snyder Cut of Justice League doesn’t exist and that Warner Bros has no plans to finish and release it… EVER!
Logistically, however, there’s little appetite at the studio for spending the millions of dollars it would require to finish visual effects and editing work on Snyder’s version, particularly as “Justice League” was a commercial disaster. There are currently no plans to release a Snyder version either in theaters or on HBO Max.
“That’s a pipe dream,” said one knowledgeable insider. “There’s no way it’s ever happening.”
Is that knowledgable insider right? Have we been wasting our time, fellow Snyderbronies? Is the Snyder Cut never going to happen? Or is that fool spouting more nonsense than your Trumpbrony uncle across the table right now?
Fellow Snyderbronies, we say to you: don’t give up hope! Did Superman give up when hope when he had Zod in a headlock at the end of Man of Steel? No! He snapped that motherf**ker’s neck and made out with Lois Lane in the ruins of Metropolis! Did Batman give up when Superman revealed that his mother’s name was also Martha?! Well, yes, technically, he stopped kicking Superman’s ass at that point… but it was a good thing! The point is, are we going to give up hope just because a stupid website says a global megacorporation isn’t going to cater to our whims by spending millions of dollars to complete the special effects on an alternate version of a movie that failed miserably at the office? Hell no!
Fellow Snyderbronies, hear me now. We may not have the Snyder Cut of Justice League, no, but we do have something to be thankful for. We have each other. Each and every one of the stubborn fans who know that you should never say die, not even in the grimmest of circumstances unless of course you are Pa Kent and letting Superman save you would result in him revealing his secret identity. We have each other, and we’ll never stop fighting until the Snyder Cut is released, not just on HBO Max, but in theaters, where it can make a zillion skillion dollars and dethrone Marvel as the box office king and even make that Marvin Scorsese guy love comic book films again! As long as we remain united, Snyderbronies, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish. So be thankful for that as you settle into a tryptophan-induced coma this evening, and know that, one day, Warner Bros will release the Synder Cut of Justice League, no matter what the haters say, even if those haters say “booyah!”
Because you know what people who don’t want Warner Bros to release the Snyder Cut of Justice League are?
Just a bunch of turkeys.