Five McDonalds Menu Items The Comics Media Doesn’t Want You to Know About

Earlier today, ComicBook.com ran an article about how to get a discount on McDonalds fries for National French Fry Day today. But why did ComicBook.com limit their reporting to french fries? Are they in the pocket of the french fry industrial-complex? The obvious answer is: yes. If you need proof, just look at the defensive reaction we got when we praised ComicBook.com’s reporting on Twitter, causing a high-ranking ComicBook.com executive to lob a vicious assault directly at Bleeding Cool’s journalistic integrity.

Not only is it shocking that a fellow comic book journalist would resort to such cutthroat tactics against a friendly competitor, but it’s also, of course, a completely unfounded accusation. Pshaw! As if Bleeding Cool could ever be goaded into running articles about a fast food restaurant chain by the childish taunts of a rival comic book website.

Oh, who are we kidding.

Here’s the top five McDonalds Menu Items ComicBook.com doesn’t want you to know about!

Five McDonalds Menu Items The Comics Media Doesn't Want You to Know About


1 – Big Mac

This classic sandwich is described as “mouthwatering perfection” containing “two 100% pure beef patties and Big Mac sauce sandwiched between a sesame seed bun.” The Big Mac is one of the most well-known burgers in the entire world, which begs the question: why isn’t ComicBook.com reporting on it? Could they have a secret agenda? Or is that a secret sauce agenda?

Five McDonalds Menu Items The Comics Media Doesn't Want You to Know About

2- Chicken McNuggets

Contrary to popular belief, these deep fried chicken products are not made from pink slime, but rather, according to McDonalds, are “made with 100% white meat chicken and no artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.” Sure, if you drop a Chicken McNugget between the seats of your car and forget about it, it will survive for decades, probably outlasting the human race itself, but that’s just the kind of longevity 100% white meat chicken is known for. The only question is, with such long-lasting value, why doesn’t ComicBook.com want you to know about these delicious morsels? What do they have to gain? Besides a few pounds from eating this stuff?

3 – Chocolate Shake

One might be tempted to believe that, reading the description “delicious chocolate dessert made with our creamy vanilla soft serve and chocolate syrup, topped with whipped topping,” McDonalds is going out of its way to specifically label anything in this product as “cream.” However, this product is served cold, so at the very least, the ice part of the equation is definitely satisfied. But it’s not as cold as ComicBook.com’s complete lack of regard for fast food products not made from potatoes.

4 – Baked Apple Pie

Made with a tender, flaky lattice-top crust with a sprinkled sugar topping and 100% American-grown apples,” McDonalds Baked Apple Pies are as American as… well, you get it. Which can only lead us to believe that foreign interests are preventing ComicBook.com from writing about them. Is this irrefutable proof that ComicBook.com is a Russian disinformation op designed to destroy America from within? We’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Five McDonalds Menu Items The Comics Media Doesn't Want You to Know About

5 – Hash Brown

Contrary to what ComicBook.com wants you to think, French Fries aren’t the only delicious, artery-clogging fried potato product available under the Golden Arches. McDonald also offers “shredded hash brown patties are prepared so they’re fluffy on the inside and crispy and toasty on the outside,” the perfect compliment to any breakfast, or, dare we say, lunch or dinner provided you’re willing to think outside the box. But did ComicBook.com even mention hash browns in their report? Of course not. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?!


Five McDonalds Menu Items The Comics Media Doesn't Want You to Know About

As you can see, McDonalds has a lot more to offer than just french fries, but by reading the articles on some of the most popular comic book websites, you might never know this. Thankfully, Bleeding Cool is here to tell you what the other websites will not, which is why we hope you’re bookmarking this website in your browsers right… wait! Hey! Where are you going?! What do you mean you just want to know how to get free french fries?! Come back!

Dammit.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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