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Christopher Hastings' Writer's Commentary For Six Million Dollar Man #4 – The Deleted Fish Commentary

Published Thu, 06 Jun 2019 13:00:40 -0500

Chris Hastings has a Writer's Commentary on Six Million Dollar Man #4, on sale now from Dynamite. He writes: Hello hello! Christopher Hastings with another round of commentary on the Six Million Dollar Man! This issue was tough, as the artwork just speaks for itself! But I've still got some thoughts, and dammit you're gonna read them. (Along with your copy of Six Million Dollar Man #4, or at least the first few pages that are put up online for free.)

PAGE ONE

So your cousin likes to wear a mask and swing a sword around in service of evil. And his buddy is about to execute you. That's a bummer.

I wonder what the demon mask security team does whenever NOT faced with cyborg super spies? Because they have to wear those things every day on the job, right? They probably just pace around and get sweaty faces. Those masks must STINK.

PAGE TWO

I can't believe my dialogue was cut from this page. Here it is:

Panel 1.
Steve sinks to the bottom of the sea. Fish swim by, singing of the wonders of the ocean.

FISH ONE: The seaweed is always greener, in somebody else's lake. You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake.

FISH TWO: Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things surround you. What more is you lookin' for?

STEVE: What the hell? Singing fish?!

FISH THREE: Under the sea! Under the sea! Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!

STEVE: Okay, be quiet. I need to figure out what to do here.

FISH FOUR: Up on the shore they work all day!

STEVE: Please, stop.

FISH FIVE: Out in the sun they slave away! While we devotin–

STEVE: SHUT UP, FISH!

PAGE THREE

I'm just thinking about how as uncomfortable as swimming fully clothed must be, it has to be ten times worse in a TURTLENECK.

PAGE FOUR

"He's down there somewhere. I'll just drag the anchor around in circles for a half hour TOPS, and he'll figure it out." – Niko Abe prior to this page

PAGE FIVE

When you watch the Six Million Dollar Man show, and see Steve being really nice and smooth and doing something like… fixing a kid's bike on the sly with his metal bending powers and not telling anybody, I want you to remember he didn't always have TACT.

PAGE SIX

After this tense conversation, Steve lies out flat on the deck to dry his clothes.

PAGE SEVEN
…and dry again. Perfect.

PAGE EIGHT

I described this sequence to David as the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when Lancelot storms the castle, but the guards just see him running in the distance for a long time until he's suddenly on top of them.

PAGE NINE

Steve throwing people high into the air is easily my favorite use of his super strength.

PAGE TEN

Aye yay yay! Whatta twist! A twist that was not discussed with the editor, publisher, or licensor prior to this script getting turned in! Steve Austin works with avowed enemies of the United States to catch a ride on a plane. I'm glad they approved it. I think it's a lot of fun, and allows for a tense conversation during a transitional scene that may have prior just been "Steve and Niko finally get some sleep on the way to Hawaii."

PAGE FIFTEEN

My wife refused to speak with me for a week after I told her this gag.

PAGE TWENTY

In another version of this book, Steve would have torn straight through the bad guy's plane and they would have fought in the air as they plummeted to Earth together.

But in THIS version, we like Steve's powers to not work as often as they do. And so you'll have to pick up our next and final installment next month to see how bad the damage is, and how exactly the rapidly depreciating Six Million Dollar Man will save the day.