5 Sexy Comics Bagging and Boarding Tips for Valentines Day

5 Sexy Comics Bagging and Boarding Tips for Valentines Day

Posted by February 14, 2019 Comment

This Valentines Day, it’s important to show the one you truly love just how much you care with a little bit of sexy special treatment. We’re talking about your comic book collection, lovers! With that in mind, we’ve come up with five helpful and romantic tips for bagging and boarding your comic book on February 14th that’s sure to steam up the day for both of you.

Face front, true believers! Or face back. We’re not going to judge. Variety is the spice of life. Read on for more than just the tips.

Dress to Impress

Valentines Day isn’t any ordinary day for bagging comics. If you can’t show your beloved that you’re willing to look your best on a special occasion like this, then the comic will know it’s all downhill from here for the rest of your relationship. So ditch those slightly pungent sweat pants and the worn-out Watchmen t-shirt with the messed up collar for something more appropriate, like a fresh pair of sweat pants and your best Gwenpool t-shirt. Be sure to take a shower first (google it), and put on some nice-smelling perfume or cologne. Now you’re looking and smelling like a true comic collecting Romeo or Juliet, and your comic book will know that you think it’s a book worth impressing. So sexy!

Better to Give Than to Recieve

We don’t want to imply that you need to spend a lot of money just to maintain a relationship with your comic book, but you don’t want your comic to think it’s only worth the cheapest storage materials purchased at a discount rate in bulk from some website. Go with at least archival quality Mylites2, 2mm thick, with a luxurious flap. If you really want to pull out all the stops, you could get Mylites4, with double the pleasure at a very voluptuous 4mm. You’ll want to use the girthier full back board for maximum protection, and because it just feels stiffer and better. Mmm. Now you’re ready.

Use Foreplay

Stroke the spine of the comic book. Oooh. Go ahead. Isn’t that nice? Your comic book doesn’t want to just be shoved into its bag and board without any foreplay. Gently run your finger up and down the crease of the book while whispering sweet nothings to it. A little eye contact doesn’t hurt. The connection between the two of you will only be enhanced the longer you stare into its pencils and inks. When your comic is ready to be bagged and boarded, you’ll know. Be sure to get your bag and board ready beforehand by placing the board inside the bag with the slick, glossy side of the board facing toward the front and the flap folding over from front to back.

Sealing the Deal

Now it’s time to get down to business and complete the act the entire night has been building up to. Take hold of your comic, firmly but lovingly, and give it a little kiss. Then slowly, seductively slide the comic into the bag, in front of the board, with the cover facing to the front. You’ll want to take it slow here. There’s no need to rush. The goal is for both you and the comic to enjoy this experience, and that means feeling comfortable. Once your comic is fully inside your bag and board, as deeply and snugly as it can go, it’s time to fold over that flap and seal it with a piece of archival tape. You can have a cigarette now, if you like, but try not to blow the smoke near the comic, as it could yellow the pages.

Profit

Now that your comic has been bagged and boarded, you and the comic are both feeling relaxed and satisfied. But that doesn’t need to be the end of your romance. Place the comic inside a box and keep it there for roughly 20 years, or until a movie is made by a character first appearing in the book. Now you’re ready to sell the comic on eBay and use the money to buy lots more comics to bag and board. What? Look, the relationship is over and you both have moved on. And if you truly ever loved each other, wouldn’t you both want the other to be happy?

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

(Last Updated February 14, 2019 9:03 am )

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