X-ual Healing: Killing Off D-Listers in Deadpool Assassin #2

Posted by July 1, 2018 Comment

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in comics.

Each week, armed with the joy, heartbreak, and frustration of 30+ years of reading X-Men comics, we crankily read every new X-book that comes out, recap the events, provide some back-links to Marvel Unlimited, and wonder when Marvel will let Chris Claremont write something again. Seriously, how do you have the greatest writer in the history of comics on the payroll and just not use him for anything?

It’s the way X-Men comics were meant to be read! It’s the column that can only be known as…

For more about the column, check out the reboot issue here.


DEADPOOL: ASSASSIN #2 (of 6)
CULLEN BUNN (W) • MARK BAGLEY (A/C)
VARIANT COVER BY TBA
• Deadpool’s quest to beat the rest continues, and this time he’s squaring off against the Assassins Guild in the Big Easy!
• The Merc with the Mouth’s healing factor will get put to the ultimate test when he’s pitted against the knife-wielding speedster called HARVESTER!
• But even if he’s lucky enough to survive that encounter, Deadpool’s actions in this very comics mag will align more than one ne’er-do-well against him…and Harvester’ll look like a walk in the park!
40 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99


Deadpool: Assassin #2 kicks off in New Orleans in a cemetery, where Deadpool rescues a man named Charles Helder, who apparently bought a personal protection plan from Deadpool and Weasel. Before they can leave, they’re challenged by Nakh, a villain associated with the Assassins Guild, and a gang of ninjas. Damn, Deadpool fought ninjas last issue. Are they already out of ideas? Deadpool kills them all (maybe not Nakh) while dispensing witty dialogue and brings Helder to a Mardi Gras parade to hide out.

Deadpool gives a woman who flashes him her breasts the chain he used to kill Nakh instead of beads, and then he’s interrupted by the villain Harvester. Can you guess what happens next? If you guessed a fight filled with witty banter, you’d be correct. This time, however, Deadpool loses, as Helder runs off through the crowd. Deadpool takes a moment to recover and then chases after Helder, who has just boarded a trolley. Razorfist attacks this time. Deadpool cuts off one of Razorfists’s arms and tosses it out the window of trolley, killing Harvester, who was following them. Razorfist tells Deadpool that he should have joined the Assassins guild, but Deadpool is anti-union, plus he says he only kills people that deserve it.

Razorfist says that Deadpool’s code of honor doesn’t amount to much when he’s working for a bad guy like Helder. Deadpool doesn’t want to hear that, so he grinds Razorfist’s head on the pavement outside the trolley, killing him.

Afterward, Deadpool asks Helder why the Assassins Guild wants him dead. Helder says he killed children. Deadpool calls Weasel and tells him he failed to save the client. He shoots Helder in the head. Looks like he has a code after all.

Later, Belladonna, leader of the Assassins Guild and ex-wife of Gambit, receives a report from her ninja underlings about Deadpool’s actions. She’s insulted by the whole thing and decides Deadpool needs to die. She orders a team of killers including the Harkspur Brood, Blackout, and Thenody, to get killed by Deadpool next issue finish Deadpool once and for all.


The Bottom Line

Why is a Deadpool mini-series shipping twice a month? Does Marvel need money that badly? Pace yourselves, Marvel. There are only so many D-list villains to kill off, after all.


Further Reading

Alas, Nakh, we hardly knew you. Read Nakh’s first appearance in X-Force: Sex and Violence, the Wolverine and Domino porno, on Marvel Unlimited, kids!

Read more X-ual Healing here:

(Last Updated July 1, 2018 4:10 pm )

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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