Al Qaeda Threatens Saudi Arabia Over Deal with WWE

Posted by June 1, 2018 Comment

Terrorist organization Al Qaeda has issued a “warning” to the government of Saudi Arabia in the wake of attempted social reforms which include hosting WWE wrestling events in the country that can be attended by both men and women, according to a report from The Independent.

WWE’s 10-year deal with the country kicked off with the Greatest Royal Rumble event in April, marking one of the first time both men and women could attend a major sporting event in public together, though women needed permission of a male guardian and WWE’s female wrestlers were not allowed to perform at the show. Still, this was a bodyslam too far for Yemen’s chapter of AQ, which complained:

“[Foreign] disbelieving wrestlers exposed their privates and on most of them was the sign of the cross, in front of a mixed gathering of young Muslim men and women.”

Clearly, Al Qaeda have not closely followed the history of pro wrestling, or they would know that regardless of any Christian symbols worn by WWE wrestlers, the Christian God, an ally of WWE Hall-of-Famer Shawn Michaels, is actually a rival of WWE Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon, who once defeated The Lord in a tag team wrestling match. Rather than seek an ally in McMahon, however, the group instead chose to disparage the noble sport of pro wrestling, which we’re going to go out on a limb without doing any kind of research to say is probably the most heinous thing they’ve ever done.

Rumors that a disgruntled Vince McMahon is currently prepping a little person to compete in a squash match against Seth Rollins under the ring name “Albert Qaeda” are currently unconfirmed, and, in fact, completely unsubstantiated as we just made them up right now, but you can’t deny that you almost believed it for a second there.

In addition to pro wrestling, Al Qaeda also took issue with movie theaters and music concerts, leading one to wonder what the hell they do for fun anyway.

(Last Updated June 1, 2018 12:48 pm )

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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