Too Late to Save Justice League, Henry Cavill Finally Shaves Mustache

In a move that was both too little and too late to save the beleaguered Warner Bros. motion picture Justice League from ending its run as the lowest-grossing DCEU film of all time, star Henry Cavill has finally shaved his notorious mustache. Cavill’s mustache wasn’t the sole reason for Justice League’s abysmal box office performance. The largest problem afflicting the film was the lack of Zack Snyder’s Vision, a pure guiding light for the DCEU that was snuffed out when alleged fake feminist Joss Whedon was brought in by Warner Bros. to complete the film for Snyder after he had to leave due to a personal tragedy.

Warner Bros. also demanded reshoots, replacing all of Snyder’s deep and meaningful Superman scenes with scenes where Cyborg says “booyah!” When Cavill was called on to perform reshoots, Paramount, perhaps offended by Warner Bros.’ treatment of Snyder, refused to let Cavill shave the mustache he had grown for Mission Impossible 6. As a result, millions needed to be spent on CGI-removal of the ‘stache, and the end result was horrifying to look at.

Well, it’s too late to do anything to save Justice League — save releasing the Snyder Cut, a mythical version of the film that restores Zack Snyder’s Vision in its purest form — but Cavill has finally shaved that damn mustache. The actor took to Instagram to post a memorial tribute:

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In the spirit of renewals, maybe it’s time for Warner Bros. to reconsider releasing the Snyder Cut? Like Henry Cavill’s mustache, the Snyder Cut may be shaved, but it is not forgotten, as the dozens of loyal Snyderbronies who marched on Burbank earlier this year, demanding its release, surely proved. Hopefully, Warner Bros., like Henry Cavill, comes to its senses and does the right thing, metaphorically trimming off the errant facial growth of Joss Whedon’s recut to restore the beautiful, clean-shaven Snyder Cut goodness beneath. As a bonus, the Snyder Cut could even be released in theaters, turning around Justice League’s box office fate.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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