In Holiday Message, Mayoral Candidate Glenn Jacobs Demands Constituents Buy WWE Video Game

Posted by December 23, 2017 Comment

In a shocking departure from his libertarian values, Knox County Mayoral Candidate Glenn Jacobs demanded that his constituents purchase the WWE 2k18 video game. Jacobs is running in the Republican primary as a libertarian candidate, and has secured the endorsement of Senator Rand Paul. However, Kane appears to have betrayed his core values by insisting that Americans purchase a product whether they like it not, in the same week that the Republican tax cut plan repealed the individual mandate from Obamacare.

“Hello to all the WWE fans around the world,” Jacobs said in the video. “This is WWE superstar Kane. Be sure to pick up your copy of WWE 2k18… or else! Merry Christmas.”

There’s a lot to unpack about Jacobs’ candidacy from the video. First, Jacobs is speaking not only to the residents of Knox County, but to the entire world. Does this indicate a willingness to use Knox County military forces to compel foreigners to purchase copies of WWE 2k18, a clear expansion of Tennessee imperialism? Further, Jacobs tells everyone at the end of the message, “Merry Christmas,” seemingly showing that Jacobs has been listening to President Donald Trump’s proclamations about the War on Christmas, and how it will be okay to say “Merry Christmas” again instead of “Happy Holidays.” And then, of course, there’s the threat of physical violence, a clear violation of the beloved Libertarian principle of non-aggression.

Voters in the primary next Spring will have a lot to think about when they decide whether to cast a vote for Jacobs. On the one hand, he seems all too willing to abandon his campaign promises when it comes to selling WWE video games. But on the other hand, he might physically assault them, stuff them into the back of a garbage truck, light them on fire, or electrocute their testicles if they vote for one of his opponents.

Watch the video message from Jacobs below:

(Last Updated December 23, 2017 10:09 am )

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A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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