Marvel Goes Tabloid, Reveals Spider-Man’s Arrest Warrant

For a company that’s always complaining about Bleeding Cool’s tabloid journalism, Marvel sure has taken a page out of our book in the promotion of its upcoming Legacy relaunch for The Spectacular Spider-Man. On Marvel.com, the company has published the actual NYPD arrest warrant for Spider-Man, whose fugitive status will be the subject of the storyline kicking off in Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #297 by Chip Zdarsky and one of the Kuberts, probably Adam but don’t quote us on that, in November.

Check out the arrest warrant below. We’ll update you when Marvel posts Spider-Man’s mug shots.

United States District Court – Warrant of Arrest

Case: The State of New York vs. Spider-Man
Date: Nov. 15, 2017
Case Number: 297

Known affiliates: Teresa Durand, The Human Torch, Chip Zdarsky, Adam Kubert

Description: Suspect stands at approximately 5 feet 10 inches tall, weighs 160 pounds. Age unknown—though his attempts at humor, which might suggest a boy in his teens, likely put him in his mid to late 20s.

Known to swing from trees, streetlights, and other city dwellings wearing a red and blue spider-suit. Officers should keep their ears tuned in for the distinguishing “Thwip” sound created by his web shooters. Gunshots, explosions, and destruction of property act as a likely signal of his presence. Suspect has no problem leaving cops hanging; approach with caution.

Cause for arrest: This warrant has been issued in response to the widespread local terror and property damage caused by the well-known Wallcrawler. Damages to the city during his acts of “heroism” have been measured in millions of dollars.

This masked-mayhem has also been photographed cavorting with a known enemy of the state, Teresa Durand—believed to have stolen top-secret information from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Suspect faces charges of breaking and entering, as well as assault, pending against him by respected New York businessman Wilson Fisk. The mouthy menace also seems to be wanted for questioning by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. This section will remain open for the addition of inevitable future infractions.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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