Today in news that we swear we are not making up, Twilight hunk Robert Pattinson has come down definitively on the “no” side of the “should I masturbate a dog for a movie?” debate.
Pattinson revealed his stance on the controversial issue while appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live, as transcribed by sandwich-themed Hollywood gossip site The Wrap to promote his upcoming film, Good Time.
“My character, Connie, has this affinity with dogs,” Pattinson explained. “He thinks he is a dog in a previous life and he thinks he has control over animals. There’s this one scene we shot — there’s a drug dealer who busts into the room, and I was sleeping with the dog and basically giving the dog a hand job.”
According to Pattinson, directors Ben and Josh Safdie encouraged him to pleasure the dog — “Just do it for real, man! Don’t be a p—-!” — something Pattinson says the trainer was okay with because the dog was “a breeder.”
But while Fido didn’t get a happy ending, the story has one, at least. Pattinson, having a ruff time with what he was asked to do, stuck firmly to his stance of not masturbating dogs regardless of circumstances, and the scene had to be altered digitally, the most ridiculous use of CGI since removing Henry Cavill’s mustache from the Justice League reshoots.
“I didn’t agree to do the real one,” Pattinson said. “So we made a fake red rocket.”
At press time, Bleeding Cool was unable to confirm whether the dog was Team Edward or Team Jacob.
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