All of the problems facing the film industry were completely solved this week after a man who had pirated the 2016 film Deadpool was arrested, according to the Los Angeles Times. Though Deadpool was a critical and financial success, changing the industry perception about the viability of R-Rated superhero flicks, it could have done even better if not for the antics of Trevon Maurice Franklin posted a copy of Deadpool on his Facebook page in February 2016, just days after the film’s release, according to reports. Franklin used the criminal alias Tre-Von M. King on Facebook to share the film, and it was viewed by more than five million people.
To find out how this kind of piracy can affect the profits of a movie, we spoke with world-renowned piracy expert at the prestigious Trump Univesity and real person, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.
“Oh yes, this would have a profound effect indeed,” the jolly Professor told us, pleased at an opportunity to break out his chalkboard and begin solving complex formulas. “If one considers that the average cost of a theater ticket is $8.84 and multiplies by the fact that all five million people who viewed the film illegally would have definitely paid to see it otherwise, once may conclude with confidence that Deadpool would have earned an additional $44.2 million, just domestically, if the movie hadn’t been pirated.”
Though Puffinbottoms’ figure is slightly off from prosecutors’ estimate of $2500 as the value of the pirated film, the general point is the same, which is that Hollywood is suffering because of piracy, and not for any other reasons. Professor Puffinbottoms went on to explain how great it is that someone in Hollywood is finally tackling the real issues and doing something to ensure the longterm viability of the industry by locking up pirates for possible jail terms of “up to three years.” With piracy wiped out, the Professor told us, everyone will go to the movies again, and with an additional $42 million in revenue for every movie ever produced, it will quickly amount to billions in profit. Everybody in Hollywood will be filthy stinking rich… well, more so than they already are.
At press time, Hollywood was considering a celebratory big budget tongue-in-cheek Citizen Kane reboot starring Will Smith, Johnny Knoxville, and Melissa McCarthy, which studio execs hope will launch a shared cinematic universe to commemorate the legal victory. We’ll keep you posted on that one.