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Doomsday Countdown Moved Up 900 Years, One Day After DC Announces Return Of Metal Foil Covers

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World-renowned physicist Professor Stephen Hawking has announced that humans must flee the planet within the next 100 years or face extinction one day after DC Comics announced the return of metal foil comic book covers. According to a report yesterday on Bleeding Cool, DC Co-Publisher Jim Lee revealed the metal foil cover to Dark Days: The Forge, the prequel to the Dark Nights: Metal super-mega-crossover event, which is itself a lead-in for the Dark Matter publishing initiative. Professor Hawking bumped up his doomsday prediction, which was previously set at 1,000 years, on a yet-to-air BBC documentary, Expedition New Earth, according to a report released today on Techly.com.

Popular in the 1990s, metal foil variant covers are widely believed to be one of several contributing factors in the great superhero comics industry crash following the bursting of the comics speculation bubble. The 1990s were a dark time for comics, but today's industry seems to have forgotten any lessons learned from the near-cataclysmic event, and many of the same factors that helped create the speculator bubble — endless super-mega-crossover events, reckless #1 issue relaunches, bacchanalian variant cover excess, and a general preference for pageantry over substance — are all staples of today's comics industrial complex.

It's unclear whether the metal foil covers or the volatile state of the comics industry in general played a role in Hawking's decision to revise the timeline. In fact, some might say there's absolutely no evidence whatsoever and to try to connect the two is completely ludicrous. But ask yourself this question: is it merely a coincidence that the 1990s and right now bore witness respectively to the worst and second worst things to ever happen to Captain America?

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Yeah. Better get to work on those spaceships.

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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