Heartless James Gunn Deprives Sad Viewers Of Tango And Cash Reunion In Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2

tangocash

For twenty-seven years, three months, and nineteen days, fans of beloved 1989 classic buddy cop film Tango and Cash have been waiting for stars Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone to reunite in some fashion, preferably in a Marvel Comics space superhero flick. Finally, with the release of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 on May 5, our time has come, but according to a report in the current issue of Total Film magazine (in stores now), we may need to wait another twenty-seven years, three months, and nineteen days for our prize.

“Well… no, there’s nothing there,” Russell said when asked by the magazine. “But what was fun was, when I learned that Sly was going to play a part, it was fun to just be able to feel that we were in the same movie.”

Russell said that he and Stallone did hang out all the time off camera while filming the movie, not that that does us any good, and director James Gunn even had the guts to try to suggest viewers enjoy a Cliffhanger reunion between Stallone and Michael Rooker, as if that’s anywhere near the same thing.

Nobody gives a @#$% about Cliffhanger, James Gunn! We, the 33% (of people who didn’t hate the movie on Rotten Tomatoes) just want our Tango and Cash reunion. We want two tough as nails LA cops, framed for a crime they didn’t admit, escaping from jail and operating outside the law to bring down a druglord before their enemies, and the law, catch up to them, leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. Mostly, we want to know if Cash ever got to date Tango’s sister, and how that worked out. They seemed like a couple of nice kids. Frankly, that James Gunn would have the opportunity to make this happen, and he would… he would…

Wait a minute… Tango and Cash isn’t the movie with Tom Hanks and the dog? Oh, who cares then.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, starring Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone not reprising their roles as Tango and Cash (or is it the other way around), respectively, hits theaters on May 5.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.