As promised, the movie gods have released the trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming. We’d normally write a bunch of words here about the trailer or the movie. Like “Spider-Man Homecoming stars Tom Holland, Zendaya, Michael Keaton, Robert Downey Jr., and Marisa Tomei as sexy Aunt May,” or “Spider-Man Homecoming was directed by Jon Watts and is produced jointly by Marvel and Sony.” But you don’t care about any of that. Let’s be honest. You’re not reading this. You scrolled down immediately and hit play, as well you should. We could say just about anything here, no matter how shocking, and you probably wouldn’t even notice because you’re too busy watching the trailer already. X-Men Forever was our favorite comic of the last two decades. Justice League looks like it could possibly be a decent movie. We only have at most twelve good jokes, and we just cycle through and repackage them for every article. See? We could say anything at all, no matter how shocking, ridiculous, or ultimately true.
Spider-Man Homecoming hits theaters July 7, 2017. It can’t come soon enough.