Superstar Marvel Writer Dennis Hopeless has been writing successful runs on All-New X-Men and Spider-Woman, but according to a tweet from the bloodthirsty mastermind behind Avengers Arena and guy who, for some reason, no one ever complains about having an obviously fake last name, his next project will be RADDER than all of them. RADDER than anything else ever, as a matter of fact.
I’m writing a new thing today that is both unannounced… AND THE RADDEST SHIT EVER!
— Dennis “Hopeless” Hallum (@HopelessDent) January 5, 2017
So what could he be working on? Rumormongering isn’t exactly our strong suit here at Bleeding Cool, so without any concrete info, it would be hard to just speculate. Thankfully, there’s a guy who lives in the apartment above our parents’ garage who is pretty much the coolest rumormonger we know, so we’ve invited him to this article so we can ask him.
Welcome, Richard Johnzarelli, otherwise known as The Johnz!
Jude Terror: Johnzie, thanks so much for joining us.
The Johnz (giving us a thumbs up): Heeeeeeey.
Jude Terror: So Dennis Hopeless is working on a new project, which he says is the RADDEST @#$% EVER, but we have no idea what it is.
The Johnz: Just to be clear, rad means “cool,” right?
Jude Terror: … Yes, it’s the COOLEST @#$% EVER.
The Johnz (giving us a thumbs up again): Heeeeeeey.
Jude Terror: Yeah, you said that already.
The Johnz: Rumormongering isn’t about actually spreading cool rumors. You just have to spread one cool rumor one time, like the cancellation of the Fantastic Four, and then you just get by on your reputation and cool leather jacket after that.
Jude Terror: That’s basically the same thing you told us about fighting when those bullies were picking on us. Is that your advice for everything?
The Johnz (giving us a double thumbs up): Heeeeeeey.
Jude Terror: Okay, we’ll just make something up. We know that Bendis is leaving Guardians of the Galaxy soon, and my best guess is that Charles Soule will take over that, leaving Inhumans open. Maybe it’s Inhumans?
The Johnz: Are The Inhumans coo– I mean, rad?
Jude Terror: Not at all.
The Johnz: What else you got?
Jude Terror: We could look at the the bottom selling five titles at Marvel last month. Marvel only has a few tricks when a title is selling low: replace the creative team, kill someone off, bring someone back they killed off last time, replace the hero with a teen version, super-mega-crossover event tie-in, and new number one. So that means Hopeless is writing Marvel Tsum Tsum, Enchanted Tiki Room, Hellcat, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, or Solo. No, that doesn’t sound right.
The Johnz: There’s one more trick you can try, if all else fails.
Jude Terror: What is it, Johnz?!
The Johnz: Just bang your fist on it and it will start working.
Jude Terror: That doesn’t make any sense! That only works for jukeboxes!
The Johnz: Then I got nothing.
Jude Terror: I thought you were going to help me!
The Johnz: Sit on it, Terror.
Jude Terror: Dammit Johnz, do you even pay my parents rent?!
The Johnz (backing slowly out the door): Heeeeeey.
Well, that didn’t get us anywhere. Let’s just throw up a random poll of silly answers and let the readers decide.
What is Dennis Hopeless working on?