Supermoon: Are You Prepared?

Posted by September 27, 2015 Comment

HEY-O Bleeding Cool Pals!

superman moonI’m no alarmist, but I couldn’t let my old pals in the Bleeding Cool-verse go unprepared for what could be a once in a (competitive eater’s) lifetime event. This event I’m blabbing about? Supermoon, of course!

Supermoon, for you less science minded folk, is a combination of astrological events. First the Moon will move to its closest possible distance from the Earth. Because the Moon’s orbit around the Earth isn’t a perfect circle, sometimes the Moon is closer (perigee) and sometimes its farther (apogee). Because science. Secondly, we will have a lunar eclipse, where the Earth is directly between the sun and moon. The Moon will be directly in the Earth’s shadow. Combine these two, and you have a freaking huge moon. To prepare you, I’ve combined a list of things to do to prepare.

1. Read Forever Evil

 

imagesThis DC crossover event from a few years back (no not that one, no, not that either, the other one. Yeah, that’s it. Don’t feel bad, there’s so many to chose from) covered a takeover of Earth by the Crime Syndicate. Ultraman, Superman’s “opposite” is weakened by sunlight and moves the moon in front of the sun, plunging the Earth into perpetual darkness. If the SuperMoon suddenly decides that he doesn’t want to go back to regular old Moon, we may need to take pointers from this arc to survive.

2. Eat Moon Pies

 

R-RIDHrc

Ordinarily, I would give this advice for both Super and Regular Moon days, because Moon Pies are delicious. However, as the Moon will be closer to the Earth, it is imperitive that you resist the Moon’s increased gravitational pull by bulking up. Ordinary pies would probably do the trick, but I’m trying to stick to a theme here.

3. Get yourself an Uncle Milton’s SuperMoon kit.

image

Let’s say you want to partake in the SuperMoon experience, but you’re allergic to outside, looking out the window, or otherwise leaving the warming embrace of your Hobbit hole. Why not try a SuperMoon-in-my-Room? All of the fun of the Moon, all from the comfort of home. I’m getting one for myself. It’s cold outside, I have FunYuns, and I have a weeks worth of season premiere’s backlogged. To hell with the outside.

4. Recognize your superiority to the moon.

The idea of a SuperMoon might frighten some, but just remember that the moon didn’t plant a flag on our faces. In the words of Buzz Aldrin,

liz lemon

Also, remember the book “Goodnight Moon”? In it, we assert our dominance over the moon by wishing it a “good night”. There will never be a book entitled “Goodnight (Your Name Here)” because the Moon says “good night” to no one. You say “Good Night” to it!

5. Set your clock

The last SuperMoon occurred in 1982. People of that day read Orwell’s “1984” the same way we watch “Back to the Future II” The next one will occur in 2033. Who knows what work of art they will look at as a near future that probably won’t come to be. So set your watch, mark your calendar for 9/27/2015 do your prep work, and enjoy a nice SuperMoon. I can’t promise it won’t be scary, but we’ll get through it together.

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