Secrets Of The Battleworld – The Bedroom Habits Of Ant-Man And The Wasp

Posted by August 26, 2015 Comment

So what were you doing on the last day of existence?

Magneto was trying to save both words incursing upon each other, but having a transcendental moment coming to terms with his own weaknesses.
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Spider-Woman was having a crisis of confidence that turned round into doing the right thing. The right thing for a superhero to do.

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While Ant-Man?

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Ant-Man had a one night stand – a last one night stand – with a supervillain.

Oh Ant-Man… maybe you should suffer the fate of the Phantom Eagle in Where Monsters Dwell.

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Although, don’t worry, he gets out of it. And despite being a misogynistic bigot from the Dark Ages, you can’t help feeling slightly sympathetic for his rantings, given what he has just been through.

IMG_0014 At least the Eltingville Club have a new potential member to replace Jerry. He’s not the only man that’s problematic on the Battleworld though.


zomb Ellie Bloodstone’s father was a bit of a… hang on, exactly how do you check your boyfriend is not a vampire? Is that what daughters of the Bloodstone line have to do? Seems so. And, it seems rather than be trapped in the world of Marvel Zombies, she is trapped within herself.
IMG_0036Whereas in Old Man Logan, She-Hulk is definitely just trapped in the world of Marvel Zombies. Where she was sent by another bad man… or in this case, God.

Don’t worry, as the solicits show, Logan does make it out – and into the Ultimate Manhattan Vs Fake 616 Domain… where Miles Morales is also heading. Both with spinoff series outside of the Secret Wars. Is that a coincidence? Could they use that portal to find their way out – somewhere? Could the faked 616 universe be the one that somehow survives?

There aren’t all bad men. Some bad men can even be good men sometime, such as MODOK Assassin, in love with, and looking after Angela.

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Optimism! Nothing like it!

IMG_0018 And that is nothing like optimism. Just the understand that Civil War, with all of it’s death on all sides, from those who should be allied, has a dulling affect… Ron Frenz made a similar argument about Spider-Verse and Time Runs Out…

So they are doing two concurrent storylines where the lead-up scenes are gratuitous slaughter of alternate versions of characters. Maybe it all dovetails into the new ‘Secret Wars,’ but at the moment it’ s coming across as very repetitive, and it’s certainly making death meaningless in the Marvel universe, if it ever had meaning.

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It’s something that Hank Johnson, Agent Of Hydra tackles head on. He’s one of a thousand faceless Hydra goons, in a domain full of superheroes, supervillains, other organisations like AIM, and it’s his lfe. Managing not to be shot by Nick Fury, only getting hit the head, but having to go to funerals of his fellow goons who do get shot along the way. And see to the kids. And pick up the dry cleaning. And try and get a raise at work, so they can afford a nanny. While saying “Hail Hydra” all the bloody time. This kind of thing has been done well by Austin Powers and The Invisibles, but never with quite the attention to detail.

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Captain Marvel And The Carol Corps also gives us a funeral scene, for those from the neighbouring domain slaughtered by the Carol Corp believing them to be Ultrons… and there are familiar names. From Iron Man we have Bethany Cabe and Clay Wilson (Force), Michael Collins (Deathlok) and female versions of Gerry Conway and Chris Claremont. Drawing a blank on Bernice Reed – could Bernie Rosenthal have married Reed Richards in this world?
IMG_0019While E Is For Extinction fills itself with an army of alternate reality Beasts as canon fodder, but capturing the magic of those Morrison/Quitely issues so magically.
IMG_0006 Deadpool gets the ultimate rejection in Deadpool’s Secret Secret Wars. Apparently from the Wasp, looks are indeed everything. But it does help put the whole affair into strict Marvel continuity…
 IMG_0004 As in X-Men ’92 where this fetching set of duds mean we must have a new line of X-Men toys immediately! If, that is, Marvel still allowed anyone to make X-Men toys…

Comics courtesy of Orbital Comics, London. With a signing for Doctor Who and Planet of The Apes artist Rachel Scott today, and launching an exhibition for Jessica Martin on Saturday.

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(Last Updated August 26, 2015 9:18 am )

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