44 Thoughts About 44 Of Today’s Comics – Chew, Crossed, Angela, Tooth & Claw, Thanos Vs. Hulk, Weapon X Project, Justice League 3000, Nailbter, Futures End, Dark Gods, Fairy Quest, Escape From New York, Jennifer Blood, Shaft, Earth 2, Batman Eternal, Hellboy, Woods, Garfield, Robocop, Extinction Parade, Uber, Evil Empire Uncle Grampa, Adventure Time, Chaos, Chastity, Cloaks, Fiction Squad, Ash In Soace Death Of Apollo, The Shadow, Vampirella, Dryspell, Jack Hammer, Fight Like A Girl, Shinobi, Planet Gigantic, Grimm’s Tales Of Terror, Rai, Sixth Gun, Eternal Warrior, Quantum & Woody And Wasteland

Lots of comic books out today…

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People are probably going to scream at the end of the new issue of Chew. Almost noting I can post from this issue will not be a spoiler. Almost. Thank the heavens for flashbacks. But yeah, people are going to be pissed. I’m one of them.

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Okay, David Lapham has issues, from the new Crossed Badlands.

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Angela: Asgard’s Assassin does have a nasty habit. Apparently she can seriously damage your health. Very pretty comic book too.

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Though not quite as pretty as Tooth & Claw #2, with its wonderful recreation of the natural world around it. Though certain retailers in certain areas who ere rather shocked by all the full frontal male nudity in Human #1 might want to check this issue before putting it next to their copies of Rupert The Bear.

Image (26) So exactly when Thanos Vs Hulk is set in Marvel continuity will be an issue that will obsess such scholars for a considerable time, a Thanos and associated characters from the nineties, and a Hulk from, well, now. But just in case you didn’t realise who was responsible for this issue, the club name might just give it away.

Image (22) Charles Soule writes Death Of Wolverine: Weapon X Project and Inhuman, folks. And he’s like some of the audience from the former to try out the latter. Even if they aren’t watching Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Image (18)Okay, I’m not quite sure how, on the prison planet Takron-Galtos, Blue Beetle and Booster Gold in Justice League 3000 are able to find a hidden cache of Ted Kord’s equipment underneath his old New York offices. Seriously, forget Thanos Vs Hulk‘s place in time, this seems to avoid all spatial reasoning. But that’s okay, because there’s a big fat man in a Blue Beetle costume who is even fatter than Kord got in Justice League International.

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Nailbiter #8 looks like it’s trying to break its own reality again. Don’t pay attention to the man behind the curtain! Bee-have!

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We earlier looked at Marvel’s obsession with sex today, DC’s future seems similarly focused in New 52: Futures End. Is it asking for trouble to have a female character who has to think about another man all the time? Here’s someone who is never going to pass the Bechdel Test.

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Though Fairy Quest: Outcasts #2 has its own thoughts on gender politics to share at this point. Though not everyone agrees.

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Escape From New York #1 picks up after the end of the film. So it’s more of an Escape From Escape From New York. But can we get a ruling on this? Who is worse, women or men?

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Jennifer Blood: Born Again #5 I think settles the matter.

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Well, he does lie down for some bodies. After all, he is a sex machine to all the chicks isn’t he? Shaft #1 launches today…

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And to  different kind of shaft – an elevator shaft in Dark Gods #2. Going up?

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Man, don’t you hate it when watching TV and this happens? Batman Eternal shows the future of arrest via Skype.

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Everyone wants to do Dark Knight again don’t they? More of that later, but for now, Earth 2 does its best to recreate a classic scene…

unnamed (1)Hellboy & The BPRD #1 goes back to the beginning of a little boy lost… note the stone angels looking over him.

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Woods #8 gives us a familiar tale from an unfamiliar mouth. And decides to mix up heterosexuality with nihilism for shits and giggles.

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Though is it me or are there more woods in Garfield #2 than in… Woods?

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Robocop #6 has a crime that is seriously worth punishing. Missing cartoons? Five years in the cubes, creep. Oh wait, wrong fascist lawmaker.

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Though Extinction Parade also has its own line in fascism to idealise. Thought Nazis were bad? What about vampire Nazia?

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Max Bemis uses Evil Empire #8 to send a few jabs in Marvel’s direction over racial diversity in the comics and the movies. What, did they turn down your Agatha Harkness Princess Of Darkness pitch? They were fools!

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Uncle Grandpa #3 – well, you can always take the bandits out of your sandwich and leave them n the plate, can’t you?

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Talking of grandpas, it seems that a lot has happened in Adventure Time #34 since last we were there. Still, dig those abs!

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Though he’s not alone. Chaos Holiday Special gives us another ripped grampa to contend with.

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Though in Chastity #6 he is a little more on the creepy side. Also, green. He seems to have suddenly let himself go…

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Though if you really want creepy, it has to be an photo op with Adolf from Uber #20.

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Cloaks #4 looks at life the way I do. People say “if you outlaw guns, then only outlaws have guns.” To which I say “yes, it makes it a lot easier to tell the goodies from the baddies then.” And where does that end?

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Probably right here. Fiction Squad #3 explores another outbreak of violence in the wake of Ferguson.

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Always clear out your space suit equipment before putting it on, as we are taught by Ash In Space #1. You could have probably used some kind of bleaching agent first though.

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Battlestar Galactica: Death of Apollo #1 manages without a chromium cover, $4.99 price point or tons of backmatter in the back. I don’t know how it does it… but it does have ladles of pathos rather than molten adamantium.

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The Shadow: Moscow #6 spreads lights like snow. A rather impressive trick there, portraying cold without actually going there. But as long as there’s an impending holocaust…

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…sorry, apocalypse. Vampirella #7 makes an office call for a little supernatural espionage. I do like the sound of this, a Q with ballpoint pens that turn into demons and ejector seats that send you to limbo…

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Dryspell #4 feels like how those big fights would really go. I mean Superman shows up? You surrender, even if you can throw fireballs from your eyes. I mean, there are other options out there. Why not skip to the chase?

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Jack Hammer: Usurper #2 demonstrates the fear potential of street furniture in the right hands. Coming soon The Traffic Lights On The Hill…

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Although Sixth Gun #45 does have a tendency for understatement. Worried? Really?In her position?

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Shinobi: Ninja Princess #4 – and there I thought all those lessons of stranger danger were over the top. Clearly not. What do you do without your mother is clearly an important issue.

You can always keep the memory of her…

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…even if it’s just digital. Planet Gigantic #2 there doing a decent line in screaming.

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Though I think Grimm Tales of Terror #5 has it beat.

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Fight Like A Girl #1 gives us computer games as reality. Well, a kind of reality. And in this one you get to hit the annoying voice telling you what to do with a baseball bat.

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Rai #5 also has mother issues… and sadly he can’t keep this one on a flashdrive. His dad on the other hand…

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Eternal Warrior: Days Of Steel #2 should really learn not to doubt the word of a mysterious hooded man in the shadows. They have a tendency to always be right. There is probably a causal link between lower light levels and increased reliability.

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Valiant-Sized Quantum And Woody #1 features a visit to alternate dimension where Woody is a super-genius…alongside “Guy Hawking,” a mash-up of Stephen Hawking and a certain American celebrity chef…specifically known for not being a super-genius (and flame-covered bowling shirts). I can’t see anyone suing though…

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Looks like someone needs some Ki-Ora in Wasteland Vol 10.

Comics courtesy of Orbital Comics, London. With a signing today for Gabriel Hardman and Corinna Bechko, and Becky Cloonan next week, and a gallery of the work of Sean Phillips currently on display.

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About Rich Johnston

Chief writer and founder of Bleeding Cool. Father of two. Comic book clairvoyant. Political cartoonist.