Posted in: Comics | Tagged:

It's Not Rocket Science… Kill Rich Johnston!

Published Sat, 28 Sep 2013 15:00:12 -0500

Last updated Sat, 28 Sep 2013 16:31:30 -0500

George Peter Gatsis writes;

Greetings everyone, George Peter Gatsis here, with a unique opportunity for the Bleeding Coolers to kill Rich Johnston and take in a few observations here and there, about life, liberty and the KickStarter way!

Here is the link:

THE PITCH:

Yes, you heard me… or more accurately… read me correctly! I bring before you a unique KickStarter Canada project, that I think you will like to see funded… But not because of what's on the KickStarter site.

Nope.

I think you will jump in to see me get all KENNY on Rich… every chance possible… within the context of the overall story that is.

THE BACKSTORY:

WAIT, WHAT!!? How in the holy name of everything that is not George-Lucas-Special-Editions, can this be possible?

Well Lois, I am glad you asked…. It all started one afternoon, as I was browsing the internet for por——cupines! Yeah, that's it! PORCUPINES!

And I came across KickStarter.

Well, I JUST HAD to sign up and get a project going! I talked into my mouse to input my name, address, bank account, etc… etc… mint first issues, etc.. etc… etc… and I was finally ready to launch a project. Yippy!

But for some reason, I couldn't. Nothing I did was working. Sooooo, I contacted the tech-support… and after answering some basic questions, the nice lady told me that I was in Canada… and KickStarter is not available to launch projects in Canada.

WELL GEEZ-WHIZ! No one told me this!

The nice lady, points out that, yes, yes they did, in the FAQ's and legal notices.

WELL GEEZ-WHIZ! I'm a blindly-click-on-things guy! Who has the time to read the internet!!? ( Insert any NSA joke here )

Soooo, I waited. I watched the clock on the wall… turn… and keep turning. An hour, became a day, became a week, became a year… UNTIL out of the blue, 2 YEARS LATER… KickStarter Canada is a go!

Well, it's about time! I really got tired of watching the watch… and you know something… I think the watch was watching me… I think it was a watchman. ( not bad, eh? this joke took me 6 years to simmer to a boil )

But, most importantly, I saw the last episode (again) of Futurama… and they had the opening tagline of AVENGE US… And I thought, damn it, as I stood up, with my fist stretched to the sky… ( while my family watches me, puzzled by my table etiquette at dinner ) I shout out loud in my head… I will avenge them… I will not sit back and wait for my fix of new Futurama, Star Trek, Monty Python ( I'm on a roll here… just follow along ) Bugs Bunny, Babylon 5, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Twilight Zone, The Searcher, Nowhere Man, Surface or Mash! I want a regular fix! I want to be regular! I want… not be be pinned down by advertising dollars or a lack of a large audience that determine the life span of something great… I want something that is long lasting. I want something that I —as a reader and a viewer— would come back on a regular schedule and get fixed up with a mix of stuff that made watching TV and reading comic books fun.

THE IDEA:

I put together a video and did all the voice over, and bells and whistles too! AND… had the video critiqued. A lot of people responded, basically asking me why I sounded so depressed and un-excited.

I was quick to point out, that I was sick, on antibiotics… and I couldn't speak much.

My friends responses was quicker to the tunes of, WELL WHY THE HELL DO THE VOICE OVER IN THE FIRST PLACE!? You are convincing us we should not donate to your project, climb up a mountain, pick a fight with a Saskatchewan Seal and dive off, right into the prairie fields! ( being a Canadian or very knowledgable non-Canadian, about all things Canadian would be useful to understand this paragraph ) Or just use TUESDAY as a substitute.

After hearing it from all sides, I came to see their point… It's not Saskatchewan Seal Season… or Tuesday… Whichever is least confusing.

THE PROBLEM:

So, I re-planned and re-thunk my strategy… Until I realized one VERY IMPORTANT thing about KickStarter, that a lot of people are taking for granite… or is that granted? NOPE, I meant granite… as in rock… as in set in stone and MUST be chipped away. People WANT rewards for their donation. And project creators WANT to reward the donations, because they WANT the money, because they WANT their project funded.

But HOLD ON a moment! Wanting is nice… but too many KickStater projects have all these awesome rewards that actually eat the cost of the level's donation… which in the end, you really don't have much left over for the actual production of the project. WOWZERS!

A T-Shirt, or sticker, or poster, or a comic, or ( insert reward item here ), costs time to reward, costs money to fulfill, to printout, to iron on, to wrap up, to mail out, to mail out securely, to mail out with insurance, to mail over night because the standard mail with insurance never got where it was supposed to go and the great job you did wrapping it up was a BIG waste of time cause the Customs ripped into it with their great big knife they like to call ED… wait… WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING!!? Oh yeah… Cost to fulfil rewards is a black hole that will suck you in… but can be avoided if you properly account the cost of rewards against the actual production… IT'S IMPORTANT… no surprises to your financial book keeping!

And I will just sugar-coat around the fee percentages that KickStarter, Amazon, Paypal and your bank charge you… It's all there, nothing hidden or hard to find and understand… Now to sugar coat this paragraph… SUGAR!!!! hmmmmmmm sugar. :)

THE SOLUTION:

So, how do you have rewards that do not impact on the production of the project?

Well you can make ridiculous promises… Like, I will paint my face striped orange and run downtown screaming, while my friends video tape it and post it on youtube… or histube… or hertube… coughMYSPACEcough… or whatever free video hosting service out there… oooor…

I have come to the thinking that any rewards of $100 or less must be delivered digitally or with as little cost as possible. Why you may ask? Well that is where the most donations come from. Anything higher, you might be an old lady trying to buy some jewellery from the shopping channel for your niece, who ACCIDENTALLY clicked on the KickStater Campaign, because someone mistakenly relocated their glasses to another country… Ahem.

You also, let everyone know EXACTLY what costs what, in each of the rewards. So the people are able to make a truely informed decision… and not just take your word for it that the embossed gold leaf t-shirt at the $10 reward level is more than enuff to fulfil the reward and have money for the production… Ahem.

Well that was easier than 42! My life's work is complete. :)

THE LURE:

But, HOLD ON THERE TEX… Yeah, but THAT is not enough. That is not a convincing enough to get people to put out their money. What in the holy world of no-bat-nipples-in-ANY-future-batman-movie-ever, would possibly convice Bleeding Coolers to jump over and donate?

Kill Rich Johnston!

Can't get more simple than that… Oh wait! Maybe it can get simple-er… How about I offer milestones that are really BIG, if not impossible! Just for jokes and giggles, wot?

Head over to the KickStarter page ( http://tbdeinc.com/ks/ ) and see how a campaign can go from a comic book all the way to a feature film!

Yeah, it's a huge reach… impossible? maybe… But, as some of you who "red" the IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE stuff (here on Bleeding Cool), understand I love heading out into the Undiscovered Country… or the new Pizza store down the street.

THE BLEEDING COOL ANGLE with a lemon twist:

Rich will become a disposable crew member that will die (KENNY LIKE) in various glorious ways, that even I can't possibly imagine… at least 4 or 5 ways.

Which leads me to the second idea!

In this forum thread, I would like Bleeding Coolers WHO HAVE FUNDED TO THE PROJECT AT ANY LEVEL ( http://tbdeinc.com/ks/ ) to openly suggest ways for Rich's character to die. Keep it clean and keep it short.

The best 5 death posts will be incorporated into the story… AND the Bleeding Coolers whoz death suggestion is used, will each receive a special one of a kind printed edition of the digital volume.

If there are duplicate suggestions… the first one in the thread will be king and noticed by the handmaidens… the others will be jesters and ridiculed.

But, the winners won't be known until the project is underway and the death page is at hand… how is that for suspense… and FYI…I would need your real names and addresses to mail out the books… no gag names please. :)

WAIT, WHAT IS THE COMIC BOOK'S STORY?

At large group of misfits, band together to take on missions in time and space, too trivial for real detectives.

It's about JOE KING, SYNTAX E.R.R.O.R., MsTAKE, CRYPLET, SLITHER, CHEF, OLDIE and a whole bunch more characters that are in the KickStarter video ( http://tbdeinc.com/ks/ ) and a lot more that haven't made an appearance yet.

And the big bad is really BIG!

The universe, since the big bang, has been invaded by THE BEYONDERS. The crew of the LADYSTAR come across information —from the future— about the Beyonder's evil plan… and they have a slim chance of actually stopping it, save the universe and look good in the eyes of their peers!

Sooooo… like responsible, caring, law binding crew that they are… they have a pool party on the hanger deck… Duh!

There you have it.

A unique KickStater campaign. Just head on over to: http://tbdeinc.com/ks/ and gosh darn it, do it for Johnny and mom's apple pie and the American way… or Canadian way… or whatever country is in YOUR way!

I stand blind folded, while reading the latest TV show on my radio.

Sincerely,

George Peter Gatsis

p.s. The real Rich Johnston, cats, dogs, horses, cobras, dolphins, whales and any other living creature on earth ( except maybe trees or any thing they use to manufacture ink, stamps, glue or iPhones ) will not be harmed in anyway by the production of the KickStarter Project… Well maybe not iPhones, just because they are sexy and have the J.J. Abrams lens flare all over them.

Wait, who the hell is George Peter Gatsis!?

Just click here to find out ( make sure you have your eyes closed)