I was given two full hours for my interview with Kang, but unfortunately, there was an eighteen minute delay in the signal from my videophone line, here on Earth, and his little UFO, parked eighteen light minutes away in deep space.
A lot of twiddling of thumbs (and tentacles) ensued.
But here are the five questions I managed to ask, and the five answers Kang managed to supply. If indeed it was Kang. I’d been told it was, but the answer to the first question confuses matters somewhat. Perhaps they were both in there, swapping places in front of the camera during the bouts of interference from the Van Allen belt?
Luckily, the abbreviation K will work in either case.
BC: I’m confused about Kodos’ gender. Please set the record straight.
K: My gender is obvious! I am the opposite of Kang!
BC: I understand that you are a Quantum Presbyterian. What is this faith? Should I join it?
K: Yes, you should definitely join it! But be forewarned our policy is to eat new converts!
BC: What’s your weakness and how can we destroy you?
K: My weakness is for the sweet, sentimental films of Nora Ephron! If I am destroyed I turn into a million little versions of myself, so I would advise against trying anything.
BC: Doesn’t all that yellow flesh look unappetising? I mean… It’s YELLOW. Ewww
K: What’s your problem with yellow flesh? Ever eat a banana?
BC: I can’t place Springfield, exactly. Seeing as you’ve seen it from orbit, can you help me get a lock on it?
K: It is simplicity itself to find Springfield! Just go two miles south from Shelbyville!
Wow. Who’d have thought that I would have shared my personal weakness with a Rigelian.
Kang was speaking to me on the occasion of a new DVD release – you didn’t think he’d bother with a puny human without there being something in it for him, did you?
The Simpsons Season 14 is out now courtesy of 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment.
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