Captain America Vs Bradley Manning, Julian Assange And WikiLeaks

Posted by April 30, 2011 Comment

So, Superman may not stand for America anymore. But it seems that Captain America doesn’t stand for Truth either. And as for Justice, well that’s debatable.

Oh you thought Action Comics #900 had a monopoly on controversial storylines involving patriotic superheroic figures engaged in real world politics? Except in this case it’s a story to get the liberals in a lather over, rather than the conservatives.

Like if Captain America took down the people behind Wikileaks with his fists?

In the 12.1 issue of Secret Avengers published this week and written by the hottest rising writing talent in comics, Nick Spencer, the secrets of the Marvel universe are exposed.

That’s not Captain America, new readers. That’s some fellow in the USAgent costume, a kind of proto-Captain America figure who is usually a little more politically extreme, whoever’s in the suit.

So, anyway, in a more efficient way than just a bored soldier copying all the data onto a disc, all the people who have informed on supervillains have their details posted online. And those exposed, well, the obvious starts to happen.

They start getting killed by the baddies. So Captain America in his Super Soldier (long story, not going into it now) guise assembled the Secret Avengers to deal with the situation.

Oh trust that lily-livered liberal arts socialist Beast to be a stick in the mud when it comes to the hard masculine choices of government. Put him in his place, Captain America!

There you are, see? I bet the communist Beast wouldn’t approve of mass executions. Good button to press, Captain America!

Switzerland? See? Bloody Swiss. That’s when Julian Assange hosts his WikiLeaks server isn’t it. The bloody Swiss. I knew they’d be behind this.

So it all gets violent, lots of kick and ‘splode, you can read it yourself, and the fellow in the USAgent costume makes a video message, you know like Osama Bin Laden does. But look at that, he’s a patriot.

Yeah, right, it’s not like he was an actual serving soldier in the US Armed Forces like a certain Bradley Manning, that might be taking it a little too far, almost tasteless considering…

Oops, my mistake. Time for an ultimatum.

Superwikileaks then.

The Guardian and the New York Times were all traitorous newspapers that reprinted and contextualised the ambassadorial leaks that made Wikileaks worldwide infamous. The Daily Bugle, not so much. I wonder if J Jonah Jameson would have published them before he was New York Mayor and if current publisher Robbie Robertson would do so. But then it’s time for another round of fisticuffs with the real Captain America.

There, that’s how you do it Cap. When a pinko is speaking commie crap, you smack them in the mouth. That’s how you did it back in the day, that’s how you do it now. Bradley Manning should thank his stars he didn’t have you to deal with, and was just kept naked in seclusion for months instead. And as for Julian Assange, he’d have a heart attack just looking at your pecs.

Of course there’s still time for a closing monologue.


Which would be fine and dandy if those Wikileaks documents allegedly from Bradley Manninghad actually led to anyone’s death. Or indeed if Wikileaks had actually just sent the info out there without redacting the most sensitive information.

And anyway, back into recent Marvel Comics continuity, what about Giant Man? He seemed to die to prove Captain America’s point, didn’t he, during the Civil War series? It’s hard to miss, they buried a fifty foot man six feet under, there’s no way you’re not going to smell that…

Secret Avengers #12.1 is still on the comic shelves. More of Nick Spencer’s work can be found here.

Next week what can we expect? Spider-Man finds evidence that proves Donald Trump dodged the draft? Batman reveals that Obama does have secret underground death camps? It’s all kicking off in comics these days, folks!

(Last Updated May 2, 2011 2:15 pm )