There’s a Gawker article going around about The Ten Worst People On The Subway. Pretty fun article, so this immediately made me think that DC and Marvel base their universes in big cities and subways would be common. So which comic characters would be the worst to ride the subway with? Here are some that came to mind for me.
Blob – I know this seems like the obvious one, but not for the usually fat/sweaty joke… though that is there too. He’s unmovable. And he’s arrogant. Which means he would stand right by the doors the entire time, never moving until you got to his stop. And if your stop is before his? Well, enjoy the ride because he’s not going to squeeze to the side to let you pass. More likely he’s going to stretch out as big as he can… I mean, he’s Evil right? Brotherhood of Evil Mutants has standards after all and politeness is frowned upon.
The Incredible Hulk – Well, I think the 2008 film with Ed Norton summed it up nicely when Betty suggested taking the subway. Bruce responded, “Me in a metal tube, deep underground with hundreds of people in the most aggressive city in the world?” You are already packing cranky people into a sardine can, add in the character with the worst anger management problem in history and you are just not going to make it to work on time.
Rogue, Parasite and Poison Ivy – These three are all for the same reason, the bad touch. You bump into Parasite and suddenly you need to call in sick. With Rogue, one accidental touch and she knows your deepest secrets and what you did that morning before getting out of bed. And unless they’ve retconned it out… Poison Ivy’s touch is deadly. I think that might be gone… which would make her a good subway partner because she would smell like potpourri and anything that makes the subway smell better is a plus.
Unus the Untouchable and the original Speedball together – This one is a stretch, but Unus had a force field that made people bounce off of him. Speedball bounces off of things. Put these two in a metal tube and it would be like a handball game on fast forward. Wait… I stand corrected, this might be the best two people as it would be quite entertaining to watch all the flashing of blue as Speedball ricocheted everywhere.
I’d like to think I wouldn’t have to explain this one. Who do you think would be worse?