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Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Dr Manolis Vamvounis writes from Greece;

SHOTGUN GAY WEDDING

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Everyone and their mother (even the mainstream blogs here in Greece) are reporting on this week's Big Gay Proposal in the rather non-anniversary-ffic ASTONISHING X-MEN #50, but noone seems to mention that Kyle actually sees through Northstar's (and Marvel Editorial's) rushed proposal and breaks up with him. By the end of the issue he's abducted and his life hangs in the balance, but the next issue cover preview shows them already at the altar exchanging vows. Huzzuh?

As cynical as I tend to be at this obvious marketing stunt of a shotgun gay wedding, I still get all tingly at the sight of that wedding cover, thinking how easier it would have made it for 10-year old comic book geek me to have this kind of role model in my X-Men comics. And then I tear up and shut the fuck up.

MARVEL'S MARVEL FAMILY

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

So is that really happening? The original Mar-Vell Captain Marvel has been resurrected by the Phoenix Force in the pages of SECRET AVENGERS #27 and has wasted no time to make out with Ms Marvel (soon to be Captain Marvel herself) and punch Thor unconscious into a crater. Poor Thor, that seems to be a regular occurrence lately. Ms Marvel is too busy boozing (tsk tsk) to mention anything about the Captain's two dead kids he never knew he had, and the third gay one. This return is too underwhelming to leave any impression of permanence. I wish they'd leave the poor guy alone instead of fake-surrecting him every time they need material for a summer crossover tie-in book.

BRUSH-LICKING GOOD

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John Layman has treated us to a wide and wild variety of food-related superpowers during the past few years, but the Sabopictor artist from the self-contained CHEW #26 who can draw food so realistically that you can taste it when you lick the painting (and which appear as real-life photos in the illustrated CHEW universe), um, takes the cake!

FANG BANG

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The new TRUE BLOOD #1 comic from IDW packs a lot of bang for your sweet fang. The book is exploring the backstories of the characters from the TV show, focusing on the events of "Coffin Night", the night of the vampires' public mass outing on TV. All the characters' voices are spot on and some of the lines are even more enjoyable than the real show. Michael Gaydos is an ideal choice for this, effortlessly producing a recognisable likeness for everyone while keeping to his (already heavily photo-referenced) style. Could this be the next Buffy of TV franchise comics?

DARK HELLBLAZER

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

It's the stupidest name we've heard of too, John. It even trumps Dark Wolverine and the Dark Avengers. It's bad enough to feature it on the cover, did we really need to have it taint the story inside by having it validated by the characters?

Jeff Lemire replaces Pete Milligan as writer with JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #9, bringing in new member Black Orchid and the "Nick Fury of the DCNu", Steve Trevor, (who seems to be May's Pandora, popping up all over the place) along with a new direct connection to the main JL book, via the FCBD issue's Black Room. What the new direction lacks in craziness and high concept (compared to the first issues), it makes up in clear direction and character relationships. Lemire seems intent to simultaneously link this book to the main DCNu AND the most elusive corners of the Vertigo Gaiman-verse (Books of Magic, Sandman, etc)

TWO GREAT 80S TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

The original West Coast Avengers versus the Mr Fixit Grey Hulk in Vegas, written by the ultimate Hawkingbird nerd, Jim McCann? Newlyweds Hawkeye and Mockingbird, Silver Armour Iron Man, Hollywood-era Wonder Man and bimbo Tigra! HULK SMASH AVENGERS #4 is a geek's wet dream and a fun read to boot, even though i'd have appreciated more work on the banter.

HUGE SHOCKING TWIST

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

YOUNGBLOOD #71 (the new #1) was quite smart, sassy and enjoyable. Out of all of Rob Liefeld's recent books, this is the one where I don't really mind his usual hatchet job on the art. Youngblood is his baby after all, let him mess it with it as he pleases (that didn't come out right). McLaughlin is having a blast with the story, retelling the origin of the all-new all-different X-Men, if they were a bunch of spoiled, sex-crazed and fame-obsessed celebrities, while still keeping it above ground. Like a Mark Millar who has taken his medication. I can't even fathom that nymphomaniac Vogue is my new favourite character of the year!

MEET THE TALENT

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Shawn Crystal's art in DEADPOOL #55 mixes the trippy fluid Dean Haspiel and dark indy Farel Dalrymple with a very fun pop aesthetic. Check out his work on his DA page.

MIND THE SPOILERS:

RED-HEADED STRANGER

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Could that be Shayera Hol a.k.a. HawkWoman, that we see a brief glimpse of in SAVAGE HAWKMAN #9? This is the last of the Liefeld-plotted DC books this month, and it's at least cohesive. Joe Bennett is a true star on this book, he manages to make Hawkman's horrible new 90s monstrosity of an armour design make sense… and look sexy to boot!

DONT CRY FOR ME, SYMKARIA

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #686 opens with a staggering gambit from Dan Slott, the entire country of Symkaria going up in flames as part of Doc Ock's grandest scheme ever. As a reader, we get to feel the full devastating impact of this tragedy on Spidey, even if it eventually (and thankfully) is all revealed as the most fun take on Mysterio in ages. Slott has packed a lot of action into this event, I can't wait for the Powers That Be to finally trust him with the reins of their big bad boy annual crossover.

ANOTHER DEATH IN THE FAMILY

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Alas poor Damian, even for a 10-year old, you were SUCH A BRAT! The lead-up to Damian turning up with his brains blown out makes it very clear this is a cover set up by Batman to get his son off the radar, but hey! I made you look. Morrison and co return triumphantly to BATMAN INCORPORATED (v.2) #1, picking up right where they left off, with Leviathan and inappropriately weird animal-themed villains and so many references to the old DCU that he might as well have been typing this script with his middle fingers. What's going to happen when this veiled old continuity book still ultimately outsells everything else from DCNu?

DOUBLE SPOILER WARNING TERRITORY

(DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU)

SCOURGE UNMASKED

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Oh noes you didn't!

It was bad enough having the burly lovable loser Demolition Man – or D-Man to his friends and fan club, and by that I mean his fellow hobos – as a member of Wonder Man's Revengers earlier this year, at least there he was handled with some looney charm. In CAPTAIN AMERICA #12 Brubaker reveals a suddenly leaner, clean cut D-Man as the brain-washed mass-killing new Scourge of the Underworld! What is it with Gyrich and Cap's former partners? This was a great shocker… back in 2001 when Nomad was revealed as the Scourge in Nicieza's classic Thunderbolts run.

ULTIMATE CONTINUITY

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

[GEEK-RANT] So, Ultimate Sinister was this religious delusional nutjob who worshipped a plastic mannequin dressed up as Apocalypse, keeping up with the original Ultimate comics edict for more grounded stories, in BKV's wonderful and underappreciated ULTIMATE X-MEN run. When KIRKMAN! took over the book, all of that was thrown out the window and Apocalypse was shown as a very real ancient mutant, very similar to the 616 version. This week, in ULTIMATE COMICS X-MEN #12, Simon Spencer reintroduces the original Sinister, complete with a propped-up Apocalypse dummy. I just wish they'd do a Miles Morales and start fresh with a whole new cast of original mutant creations instead of retreading this messy Ultimate continuity.[/GEEK RANT]

LUMPKINAUTS

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

FANTASTIC FOUR #606 reads like a rather boring and pointless space/alien dimension exploration inventory story, right up until the last few pages when the reader is left to realize in absolute astonishment that the FF are actually -SPOILERS- miniaturized inside Willy Lumpkin's bloodstream trying to track down his tumour… And then you simply run back and reread the book in utter astonishment at this marvel of bait-and-switch and masterful conniving storytelling. Keep wiggling those ears, Willy!

REDEEMABLE

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IRREDEEMABLE #37 concludes Mark Waid's epic examination of "What If Superman Was a Dick" with a twist that could be considered so smarmy and pretentious… if it wasn't so damn unbearably poetic and heart-felt. Even though the series had lost its direction during the past year and descended into unnecessary depths of self-referencing, this ending pulls the focus back on what is important (=what a huge dick the Plutonian is) and gives the hero turned villain what it always promised he was never capable of: redemption, in a way that transcends him and his obnoxiousness while paying direct tribute to the character he was supposed to be parodying. Damn you Mark Waid, you evil sonova–

GOREWATCH

BABY BLEEEERGH

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

REBEL BLOOD #3 is horrific enough to make even Garth Ennis cry for his mommy. Just when you think a zombie pregnant hitchhiker is testing the limits of bad taste, they go and run her over with a car and have the ZOMBIE FETUS claw its way out of the womb and wreck havoc. None of this is played for giggles, it's all pure offensive ghastliness, and it makes for a fascinating and immersive reader experience. How can anyone make zombie bunnies actually scary?

JAW-DROPPING GORGEOUS

Last Week's Comics In Seventeen Pictures

Yeouch. I enjoy the meta-ness of DC making the pole-dancing stripper VOODOO of #1 an evil clone of the original. And by enjoy, I mean cringe at. The Voodoo we met in the first issues was a wonderfully subtle and layered character who happened to rub a lot of readers the wrong way because they didn't bother/manage to read between the lines at what was really going on in the book, instead focusing just on her jiggly bits.

In the MOST UNEXPECTED TWIST OF THE WEEK, I'll go ahead and declare YOUNGBLOOD as the best read just for the sheer surprise factor of it, with FANTASTIC FOUR and the IRREDEEMABLE finale as close runner-ups.

There's nothing too ghastly to moan about, this week. Most of the books I didn't cover (SUPERMAN, FLASH, DARK KNIGHT, etc along with VOODOO) were simply too plain to even bother with. That's perhaps worse than actually sucking, at least then they would be earning a reaction from the reader.

Next week is the 12th weekly instalment of the new format Panels reviews, I'd love to hear from you guys in the comments section, let me know what you like and don't like from the feature. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


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Rich JohnstonAbout Rich Johnston

Founder of Bleeding Cool. The longest-serving digital news reporter in the world, since 1992. Author of The Flying Friar, Holed Up, The Avengefuls, Doctor Who: Room With A Deja Vu, The Many Murders Of Miss Cranbourne, Chase Variant. Lives in South-West London, works from Blacks on Dean Street, shops at Piranha Comics. Father of two. Political cartoonist.
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