The Thrilling Face Off Between Buffy And Black Widow That Joss Whedon Made Up Off The Top Of His Head (I Hope)

Ever wonder who would win in a fight between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Natasha Romanoff, Agent of Shield, Black Widow and mistress of chair-fu?

Well, either Joss Whedon has spent some time contemplating the same thing (please say it ain’t so, Joss) or he knows both well enough, right down to their fighting moves, that he can just spin a scrap between the two of them out of thin air.

Asked by USA Today which of the ladies would best the other, here’s what Whedon came out with.

Buffy would go easy at first, but as soon as Natasha popped her with a Widow Sting, she’d start bringing some slayer brawn to the fray. Natasha’s fast, but a couple of good connects and she’s wobbling, possibly something broken — she whips out her glock and now Buffy’s dodging — right where Natasha wants her. Natasha shoots the cable holding the steel barrels and they tumble onto Buffy, nearly burying her — Buffy just arcs out of the way, grabbing the splintered cable and swinging directly onto Natasha, a bullet grazing her cheek as her feet land hard on the Russian’s shoulders, sending her back flat — crack! — on the floor, Buffy wrenching the gun away and tossing it, fist ready for the final strike. Natasha, struggling to stay conscious, says the fight’s over. Buffy agrees, but Natasha explains:

She poisoned Buffy hours ago. That waitress that brought her salad …?

Natasha smiles. The poison is dormant — ’til it’s activated by adrenaline. Buffy’s eyes narrow. “Too bad I didn’t use any.” Wham! Natasha’s out for the count, and Buffy’s heading — slowly — to Willow for a mystical cleanse.

That’d be my first guess.

A mental high five for the punchline, sir.

Now, get to work, internet. I want to see that filmed and on YouTube by Friday at the latest.

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