Keep Your Pants On: Dating Advice For Geeks, Nerds And The Like – A New Column For Bleeding Cool

Keep Your Pants On: Dating Advice for Geeks, Nerds and the Like

Elliott Serrano and Kate Kotler write for Bleeding Cool;

Kate Kotler is a geek girl with a heart of gold and the patience of a saint…

Elliott Serrano is a geek guy with a lump of coal in his chest and no soul…(seriously…HE HAS NO SOUL!)

Together they dole out advice to the love-lorn geeks, nerds and the like on Bleeding Cool…

Whether you’re looking for romance – or just in it for the lust – you can always expect them to give you sound advice, starting with..

KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!

Dear KYPO,

I’m really interested in the girl who works at the comic book store. She’s my age, smart, funny and single, but she must get geeks hitting on her all the time. What can I do to stand out?

Comic Lovin’ Guy with a Crush

Kate says:

There is a HUGE difference between being hit on (read: having someone stare at my boobs and make pervy comments about having sex in a TARDIS with handrails, *coughElliottcough*) and being asked out on a date. My experience, as a single girl, has been that rarely have I turned down someone who sincerely said to me “Hey, would you like to have [date activity] with me?” Screw up the courage and next time you pick up your pull list, just ask the girl out!

Elliott says:

Okay Comic Lovin’ Guy, while I’m not disagreeing completely with my fellow geeky guidance counselor here, I think that before you ‘screw up your courage’ and put yourself out on the plank that is asking a girl out, I would ask you to consider a couple things lest you fall into the shark-infested waters underneath:

First, when you see her in the shop each day, are you comfortable speaking with her or do you get all tongue-tied? It’s been my experience that most girls like it when they meet a guy that they can really talk to and not have to carry the conversation. Do you know if she has any interests outside of comics? Trust me, after a while bitching about how Dan Didio is screwing up DC Comics isn’t going to be enough to keep the dialogue going.  If the only interest you have is comics, as much as she may be into them, you could come across as two-dimensional as a character written by Tony Daniel.

Second, if she says she’s not interested in going out with you for whatever reason (I always get “you’re nice, but not my type”) are you sure that you’re not going to be weird about seeing her in the shop after that? Or how about if she DOES go out with you, but things don’t work out? Will you be able to suck it up and be mature about it? Many a fanboy friend of mine had to find another shop to patronize because they had a falling out with someone who worked at their shop of choice. If you’re going to get all weepy and quivering by the graphic novel section every time she talks to some other male patron, you may find yourself doing the same.

Oh, and one last thing: have you asked if she already has a boyfriend? If she gets asked out a lot, she may be turning those guys down for that very reason. Getting to know her through casual dialogue can help you avoid the ‘sorry…but’ rejection scenario.

Dear KYPO,

I’m a married man with a young family but I cheat on my wife at comic conventions. What are the best ways I can hide my infidelity?

Looking for Love in All the Con Places

Kate says:

Ew. The best thing you could do is to not cheat on your wife so you have nothing to hide in the first place. As someone who has been cheated on, there is nothing worse than having that trust you’ve established with a partner violated by infidelity. If you want out of your marriage so you can bang booth babes on the con circuit, man up and tell your wife – otherwise – KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.

Elliott says:

Ahhhhh yes, the irresistible allure of the con hook-up. Oft times it’s quick, easy and highly convenient. That is if you’re single. When you’re married, things can get a wee bit stickier. See, before when it came to having and affair while on the road, they were generally easy to hide.  the problem these days is that with the advent of cellphone cameras and mini-video recorders, everything – and I do mean EVERYTHING – gets recorded on digital. And damn if it doesn’t all come to light eventually. Just look at Chris “To Catch A Predator” Hansen. After nabbing all those creeps on video trying to hit up minors for sex, he ended up getting caught walking out of a hotel with a news anchor 20 years his junior, on video no less. I’m sure his wife LOVED seeing that!

And it’s not like people don’t KNOW that you’re the guy (or gal – women cheat at cons too y’know)  who’s screwing around on a significant other back home. I know of several folks who are married and who regularly have affairs at cons. And I’m an idiot who doesn’t usually pay attention to what goes on around him. You can only assume that the people who are closer to these comic-con adulterers have an idea that their friends aren’t being all that faithful. Which means that eventually, whether by word of mouth or by cellphone video, the spouse who is being cheated on is going to find out.

Now if you’re single, that’s no big deal. If I get busted on video in a hotel room wearing a Batman cowl and a ballgag while Catwoman is flogging my buttocks, I just tell my girlfriend ”See, it was just as much fun as I thought it would be. You shoulda tried it.”

But if you have a ‘young family’ and a wife ready to use that video against you in divorce court? Try explaining THAT to the kids.

Dear KYPO,

I want to slowly start converting my girlfriend to geekhood, just so as to make my life easier and not torn between two obsessions. She’s not into Star Trek, Buffy or even True Blood. Any suggestions?

Crusading Geek

Kate says:

The nice thing about geekdom is that there is something out there which will appeal to just about everyone under the sun… the choices are endless. Try talking to her about her current interests and then finding geek-type things which synch up with those interests. There are a lot of comics designed to appeal to a broader female audience these days, try sharing titles like Frenemy of the State, Love and Capes and Girls With Slingshots with her… Or, suggest watching shows like Alias, Doctor Who or Firefly, which feature strong female characters. The most important thing to realize is that while it would be nice if you shared geeky interests, it isn’t necessary to have a functioning, happy relationship — variety is the spice of life and having some differences between you will make the your relationship stronger — so long as you both respect and support the other person’s passions.

Elliott says:

Your problem, Crusading Geek, is that you’re into Star Trek. Good God man, you should just be grateful a woman can stand your company, let alone want to share your interests. Besides, why do you want to change her? Doesn’t the Prime Directive forbid you from doing that? Huh? Trekkie? Huh?

Okay, all kidding aside, Kate gives some pretty good advice, but my concern is with you being “torn between two obsessions.” As much as I may love Star Wars – which is far superior to your Trek…the Empire would kick the Federations ASS and don’t deny it – I still enjoy the company of the fairer sex so much more. Now, if she just so happens to dig putting on a Slave Leia costume because it makes her ‘feel sexy’, then far be it from me to argue with her. The point being, let her be herself and don’t be a douche. It’s bad enough you’re a Trekkie. ;)

Geek Girls and Boys: Got a geeky romantical problem you need help with? Email Elliott and Kate at keepyourpantsonbc@yahoo.com and we’ll do our best to solve it for you faster than you can say “unsolved Millennial problems.”

(That was one for our homies the math nerds!)

Until next week – KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!