
Former child TV star and videogame aficionado Lisa Foiles found herself, aged 17, with the ears of Hollywood power players. What did she decide to do with this awesome power? Why, try to get a movie of The Secret of Monkey Island made. I bet that just made you fall in love with her a little bit.
This was 2004, one year after we’d first met Jack Sparrow, two years before he came back and, arguably, just three years before he took a quick jump over the nearest shark. The timing seemed perfect. So what went wrong?
Foiles has recounted the day she “Pitched A Monkey Island Movie To Hollywood” for her latest column in Kotaku. I’m going to tell you how it ended, but don’t worry: I can no more spoil this story than I can Titanic. The ship sank and there is no Monkey Island Movie.
Foiles had a meeting with an exec at WB. She’s quoted a few of his comments, all of which were effectively rebuttals. Here they are:
I’m just going to come right out and say that I’ve never heard of this game.
You realise that video game movies bomb, right?
Tell you what, I’ll make some calls and get back to you.
I think that last one is actually Hollywoodese for “Never, ever darken my doorway again, and you might as well let the door slap you on the ass on the way out.”
The only thing missing from the article is a realisation, on Foiles’ part, that it’s not too late. Strike now, Lisa. Get Michael Cera’s agent on the phone – he’s an eminently greenlightable Threepwood, and he’s just bound to be a fan of the games.
The upcoming fourth Pirates movie is subtitled On Stranger Tides, the same as a novel by Tim Powers. While it isn’t clear yet how closely the film will follow Powers’ plotting – if at all – it’s worth noting that Ron Gilbert‘s initial inspiration for the Monkey Island storyline was the very same book.
Coincidentally, today’s the day that OC Weekly presented their list of 10 Things You Did Not Know About Monkey Island. At number 5 is the following:
The Pirates of the Caribbean movie made a few references to Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge.
Captain Jack Sparrow at one point used a coffin as a rowboat, just like Guybrush did. The movie and the game both featured a Caribbean voodoo lady who lived in a swamp. Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow played some Monkey Island in his youth?
Yeah – references.